Even before suggesting they could keep their swap going, Chris worried how Debra would respond. It was a tremendous ask. He’d become so enamored with living as ‘Debra Burns’, he could totally understand the desire to get back to her life and loving family as soon as possible.
The end of summer was on the horizon. School would be back in session for both of them and there was no good reason to continue like this. Further arguing against it, he sensed Debra was in a much better place mentally. There was a notable confident swagger in the way she moved or spoke. In fact, she often was the one to initiate a kiss.
Chris anticipated she would find flaws with his idea. Debra would surely cite the illogic of it all. However, it was also within the realm of possibility she might agree. Debra was writing the book on how future Student Council Presidents should act. It made sense for her to continue well into next year so the momentum of her ideas became sustainable.
He was bedeviled by self-doubt. They couldn’t keep doing this forever. So what ultimately was the end game he was hoping for? It soon became a moot point.
It turned out she didn’t react even remotely like he anticipated.
*****
A perpetual smile was on her face the moment Chris arrived. It was always great to see one another in person. After all, phone calls and texts could only do so much.
Debra was proud Chris obtained a driver’s license on his first attempt and was looking forward to returning the favor. His 18th birthday was in a few weeks. Debra couldn’t wait to tell him all about some upcoming events she was working on.
The millisecond Chris made the suggestion they remain swapped, her brain kicked into overdrive. She’d always been blessed with a lightning quick intellect. However, it did her no favors in this instance. Logically, there could be only one unassailable reason for his proposal.
He must be assuming she would become suicidal upon returning to her old life. Chris was always nurturing and taking care of her.
A sense of betrayal washed over her. Debra had confided her darkest secret with him in order to grow their friendship. It hurt so much Chris felt she was still the pathetic person she used to be.
In response, a negative aspect of her personality once again reared its ugly head. Inexperienced in dealings with her peers after years of being shunned, Debra reacted inappropriately. She angrily lashed out at him. Like that time in the school hallway after the swap ended
“You think I’m going to kill myself the second I go back to being Debra Burns!?!” she yelled. Debra grew so incensed, she leapt off the couch and backed away
“No…” Chris pleaded but her ranting drowned out any reply.
“I told you something I’m deeply ashamed about and this is how you use that information?” I trusted you!”
He tried to get a few words in edgewise but Debra was inconsolable. Her fury having reached its peak, she stormed out of the house and into the backyard.
*****
To say Chris was stunned would be an understatement. Not for a second did he think she still harbored thoughts of self-harm. Tears welled up in his eyes with the knowledge that for the moment, Debra hated him.
After taking a few moments to gather his thoughts, he went to find her with the intent of apologizing. Doubts that maintaining the life swap was a terrible idea came to dominate. Chris peered out a sliding glass door to the backyard and saw Debra dribbling a soccer ball. The rhythmic nature of the drill appeared to have a calming effect on her.
He started to pull the door open, but the sound gave away his intentions. Debra was clearly not yet ready to talk. She deliberately turned away while still managing to keep control of the ball on her foot. With a heavy sigh, Chis quietly closed the slider and left the house. He was kind of mad at her for jumping to the wrong conclusion and also not allowing him a chance to explain.
But he was mostly mad at himself. If he’d never made the suggestion in the first place, things between them would still be wonderful.
*****
Anna and Ken Burns were surprised when their ‘daughter’ returned home less than an hour later. Each had rightly assumed ‘she’ would be there much longer.
“Is everything all right Debra?” Anna asked with a note of concern in her voice.
‘Debra’ appeared despondent. “Not really. Umm Chris and I, ummm, we’ll we had a disagreement about something”
Anna and her husband exchanged solemn glances. “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?”
‘Debra’ shrugged “Not really. It’s going to be okay. I’m certain things will be back to normal soon.”
Despite their daughter’s assurances, each parent detected a hint of sadness in ‘her’ tone. They made a few more subtle attempts, but ‘Debra’ declined to talk about it claiming she needed to get ready for tonight’s babysitting job.
*****
Cynthia Jackson noted a similar attitude from her ‘son’ when she arrived home later that day. Inquiries regarding Debra were met with evasive responses.
“Put the ball down and tell me what happened” she demanded.
With a glum expression on ‘his’ face, Chris described the events from earlier. He mumbled something about Debra not having faith in him.
“That doesn’t sound like her. What exactly did she say to you?”
Chris started to answer and froze. A glimmer of recognition he might be in the wrong was evident on his face.
Cynthia pointed at the kitchen table. “Take a seat, mister. I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen”
*****
A testament to the high level of esteem Debra held for Cynthia Jackson, she complied immediately and without complaint.
“I’ve been incredibly proud of you these last few months. You’re developing into a wonderful young man” she began
Debra did the math in her head. The timeframe Cynthia was referring to encompassed the period when she switched with Chris. She felt a measure of pride from the compliment. However, it seemed a big “But” was forthcoming.
“You’ve exhibited a single-minded determination to get things done. That can be both good and bad. Remember this. Whenever you talk with someone, take care to slow down and listen to their words. Also, what is it they aren’t saying”
She referred to it “active listening” and provided some examples. The wisdom in her guidance was slowly starting to take hold. Cynthia imparted one more piece of advice “I’ve also noted a certain stubbornness on your part recently. Repeating a soccer drill until it's exactly right as an example. Again, don’t let it affect your interactions with Debra or anyone for that matter. You’re going to make mistakes in life. Own up to them and learn.
To bolster her points, Cynthia described several stories about Chris’ father where he stubbornly refused to admit he was wrong. Debra took these particularly to heart. She had never met the man yet felt nothing but contempt for him.
*****
As the night wore on, Debra’s anger directed toward Chris morphed into disappointment with herself. She finally managed to summon up the courage to call him and apologize. After two rings, the call ended and a text message popped up
‘I can’t talk now’.
It was one of the standard replies the user could select from the phone interface. For the first time, a feeling of fear gripped her heart. Had she irreparably screwed up their relationship? Debra was wholly inexperienced in such matters. She quickly tapped out a text
‘I massively fucked up today. I’m so sorry’
His reply left her only more perplexed ‘Forget I ever mentioned it’
‘Can we talk?’
Her spirits elevated slightly when he texted back ‘I’m babysitting tonight. It's okay. We can talk tomorrow’
*****
She was still in a melancholic mood later on. With no desire to hang out with any of Chris’ buddies online, Debra spent the time scrolling through photos of him. She had created a folder in the app with the few they had taken together and those selfies Chris sent as part of his ‘outfit of the day’. There were even a few photos and videos of him at the beach
The ones from the beginning of the swap elicited a somber grin. ‘He looked so dorky back then’
Which made perfect sense. He was only supposed to impersonate her for a few weeks. The photo collection depicted the gradual evolution of ‘Debra’. It was so subtle, she only truly noticed it by comparing the most recent ones with those from months ago.
‘He’s really pretty cute. Could I ever look that good?’ she wondered. Skeptical thoughts plagued her
The remnants of self-doubt lingered after years of bullying and general rejection by her classmates. She was staring at one particular photo when a thought suddenly occurred to her. Chris was in a one-piece bathing suit standing alongside her cousin Tara. He didn’t look that out of place.
Debra jumped up from the bed and quickly took off all her clothes. Only the elastic bandage around her flat chest, which bound her breasts tightly, remained. Debra studied her reflection in the mirror which was something she rarely did. Ignoring the prosthetic penis and testicles protruding from her pelvic region for the moment, she tried to imagine herself with Chris’ current features. His long red tresses cascading down the side of her face. She made note of his thin waist and discernible bust. It begged the question.
Why did how he looked feel so foreign to her?
As she compared her reflection and the photo of Chris, Debra picked up on minor differences she never had before. Definition in certain muscle groups. The broadness of the shoulders. Her analytical mind rapidly accumulated empirical data which led to the genesis of an almost inconceivable hypothesis.
How could she not have been so oblivious? Not only had Chris changed during their extended swap
So had she.
What happens next?
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