You don't get it yet, do you? said a strange voice in his ear.
"What?" asked Tom aloud.
Look, Tom, just say, "Time is frozen except for me"
Never one to disobey voices in his head, Tom obliged.
"Time is frozen except for me."
Tom felt a rippling throughout his body as a strange chill filled the air. Tom looked around to see what was causing this new sensation, then did a double-take.
Everyone in the smoothie shop was standing stock still. Tom wanted to chalk this up to a strange prank when he saw a woman across the shop. She had just knocked over a cup of water. Droplets hung in the air like beads of glass.
There, that's better.
"...God? Is that you?" asked Tom.
Oh man, you're just gonna be a treat to deal with, said the voice. No. Well, in a sense. Look, do you remember that coconut dream?
Tom racked his brain. Something from last night was coming to mind.
"I guess?"
Yo.
Tom blinked. "So you're a magical time-stopping coconut. A magical, sentient, telepathic, time-stopping coconut."
Tom, say the words "I'm a little less dense."
"I'm a little less dense?" A series of stuck gears were beginning to whir into motion in Tom's head. The memory of last night was coming in stronger.
Look, I'm a manifestation of....something. Your power, your subconscious, a god that got really bored and decided to play a prank on the universe, I dunno. I'm here to tell you that you have the power to warp reality with your thoughts and words.
"Okay," said Tom. "And?"
And? You won the cosmic lottery. There is no "and"!
"Yeah, but what am I supposed to do now?"
I really shouldn't have said "a little." Listen. Tom. You have unfathomable power and a world to warp with it. You do what you want.
"Any suggestions, though?"
Yeah. Experiment. There's plenty of people around. Go hog-wild. Just say the words "Time will start flowing normally again, and when it does..." and then add the change you want.
"Yeah, but--"
Oh god, I don't know. How about "every woman in this shop is going to have an uncontrollable orgasm that's a thousand times more pleasurable than anything they've felt before and lasts all day, and any woman that touches them will do the same?"
Tom made a quick decision as he began to speak. He barely heard the words leave his lips as he made up his mind.
"--normally again, and when it does..." he continued.
He decided to...