Look, sorry if I came off a little awkward before. I don't get a lot of house guests anymore, so my manners have taken a bit of a dip.
So, you actually want to hear my story? I mean, it's not all bad, but it's not all good either. At times, I was stupid, insensitive, and engaged in what can only be described as self-destructive behavior. I was never suicidal, but there were times I did things to myself without thought to any long-term consequences.
Hence how I came to be here.
But like I said, it's not all bad. I've been quite successful, despite or perhaps because of my frequent gastronomic excesses. I graduated college, paid off my student loans, met the love of my life, and started a family.
Of course, what you probably know me for most is my books. Well, that or my old live streams. Oh, who am I kidding? It's probably both. It caused one hell of a stink when those videos came to light. The tabloids ate it up, and I'm pretty sure my editor had an aneurysm. My old publisher dropped me, and I had to open my own publishing house to keep my books on the shelves.
That said, it never seemed to hurt sales. Hell, sales actually went up in spite of the paparazzi having a field day. I even did another stream just to spite them after all that. Hindsight being what it is, that was a little embarrassing.
... Oh, of course you've seen it. And don't try to deny it, your blush has nearly entered the infrared.
Say, could you tilt my bed forward a little, if you'd be so kind? I can't reach the controls from here. Keep going, keep going, right there. Ah, that's better. I hate talking to people while laying down.
Well, I'm afraid I've been rambling on a bit. So if you could pass me that box of brownies and the cinnamon buns next to it, you can ask your questions, and get some cohesion to this narrative. And I can have Mary Anne bring us up some pizza in a bit; I'm feeling a mite peckish.
Oh, don't look at me like that. You don't get to be my size by moderating your diet.
Mmm, these are so good! What? That creak? Oh, it's probably just the bed. I've had this one for awhile, it'll be time to upgrade soon. So, where would you like to begin?
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