"My lord?" Dr. Starline asked, the avian mad scientist staring curiously at the vault before him. "What's in here?"
Dr. Eggman grimaced. "Oh! Oh. That thing," he said. Nearby, the cybernetic echidna warlord, Lien-Da snickered. Eggman sighed. "That is a repository of all my... sillier ideas. I kept them to remind myself not to make them again."
"...Sillier than Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts?" Dr. Starline asked, clearly baffled by the concept.
"Still can't believe Breezie was able to find use for those losers..." Eggman muttered. "Anyway. They're reasonably effective weapons, but what they do is just so ridiculous... I couldn't bring myself to actually use them..."
"...Conisdering your aversion to simple pragmatism, I'm surprised you didn't," Dr. Starline said, Lien-Da taking a very large step away from him.
Eggman snorted. "You're lucky you're damn useful..." he muttered. "The reason I didn't use them is that doing so would humiliate me as much as it would Sonic and his friends. If you want to play with the stupid things, be my guest. Passcode is H4t3th4th3dg3h0g. I'm going to see if I can give Orbot and Cubot combat capability. Getting tired of them not doing much around here..."
With that, Eggman stomped off, the Silly Vault opening up. Lien-Da walked up to Starline, impressed. "He didn't vaporize you for backsassing him. That's new..."
"Unlike you and your mercenary 'Dark Legion,'" Dr. Starline said, ignoring the glare Lien-Da gave him, "I prove my worth to our dear delightful lunatic every day." He entered the passcode, the vault door opening and revealing several blasters that, indeed, looked quite silly. Lien-Da, curious, looked in the vault as well... and stared right alongside Dr. Starline, struggling to process what she was seeing.
"...Are we looking at Dr. Eggman's fetishes right now?" Lien-Da asked.
"No, the Doctor is completely asexual," Dr. Starline said. When Lien-Da gave him an inquiring look, he said, "One of his lower minions attempted to sexually accoust Vanilla the Rabbit when we held her prisoner one time. Eggman yelled at him, claiming that 'sex is disgusting, and if you want to act like an animal, don't do it in my base.'"
"And then he killed him," Lien-Da surmised.
"And then he killed him," Dr. Starline confirmed, nodding.
"Well, at least I never have to worry about getting raped by the big fat bastard..." Lien-Da muttered as she and Dr. Starline walked into the vault, looking over the various weapons.
"Rape, I think, is the least of your worries when dealing with Dr. Eggman..." Dr. Starline muttered. "...Oh dear. I can see why this one would be bothersome to the Doctor's dignity." He paused in front of a device filled with a yellow liquid. It resembled a dart gun with rapid fire syringe projectiles that were filled with the foul-looking yellow liquid.
Lien-Da leaned in, reading the label underneath the gun. "The Fattener. Any Mobian struck with these dart projectiles will become impossibly, incredibly fat and gain a tremendous appetite, wanting to do little more than eat and sleep and attempt to fuck. The effects of the formula also spread, turning other Mobians into gluttons, their bodies processing everything they eat into fat, leaving no bodily waste," she read.
Dr. Starline frowned. "Actually, that sounds rather effective," he said. "Why not use it?"
"What would you do with the affected afterwards?" Lien-Da asked.
Dr. Starline thought a moment, and shrugged. "Hmm, point taken..." he said. Although he began to think of ways to impliment it effectively...
The two moved on, coming across a gun covered in glitter, looking like a disco ball with a gun stock attached to it. "...The Bimboizer," Dr. Starline read.
"Oh hell the fuck no," Lien-Da said, scowling.
Dr. Starline smirked, reading the text underneath the weapon. "Affects both male and female Mobians, turning males into females before the primary effects occur. Any female affected by this gun's rays will become large breasted and curvaceous bodies, as well as decreased intelligence and a greatly increased sex drive." He turned towards Lien-Da, eyebrow quirking.
Lien-Da glared back. "Say it and you die," she said.
Dr. Starline snickered and moved on. The two of them walked through the lab, looking through the various odd experiments, until another caught Dr. Starline and Lien-Da's attention. "The Transformicron - A device that can transform any living Mobian back and forth from an inanimate object," Lien-Da read. "Wait, this could actually be a powerful weapon!"
"Read on," Dr. Starline said. "'Discarded because the only thing it turned people into was female-shaped sex toys.'"
Lien-Da huffed. "Well, that sucks," she said, walking off. Dr. Starline just looked over the device thoughtfully, ideas formulating in his head...
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