"Joxer the Mighty, something something something, I can't remember the lyrics so I'll make some up," the villain sang as he rode into the village. "Excuse me! Smelly yet oddly charming peasants! Would you know where I can find on Xena, Warrior Princess?"
The villagers all stared at him, confused. The villain chuckled. "Well, I didn't really think that would work. Does anyone here know OF Xena?" As he watched, an older man came out of the crowd, frowning at him.
"Xena saved our village from bandits that were extorting food from us," he said. "What do you want with her?"
"To kidnap her, her friend Gabrielle, and I think that Callisto woman from this world and make them my sex slaves," the villain said, smiling pleasantly.
Some of the villagers laughed. The old man, however, frowned. "...You have great ambition, my good man," he said.
"Oh, there's nothing good about me," the villain said, smirking. "Now. Where's Xena?"
"Not here," the old man said. "We don't keep in contact."
"All right, fair enough," the villain said. "Do you have any idea where she might be?"
"What makes you think you could beat her?" a brash young man said. "She's magnificent. A woman among women, and one of the few I'd admit to being better than a man in battle." A woman who was with him, most likely his girlfriend, shoved him playfully. He ignored it. "Only the gods could face her and win, and even that's questionable."
"I am a god," the villain said, his eyes glowing. "I'm the God of Lust. And I'm not leaving this world without my prizes." The people backed off from him, suddenly worried. The villain laughed, and got off his horse. "I'm not gonna kill or cripple anyone, don't worry. But I will be doing enough damage to leave a message. Get word to Xena. I'm quite literally coming for her butt. And the rest of her beautiful body too."
And then he charged, proceeding the beat the crap out of everyone in the village.
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