“Well, I must say Ms. Espisito, your credentials and experience are exceptional…” The blue-haired tubby temptress mused, looking over the resume in front of her, before turning her gaze to the much larger woman, in all senses of the word, sitting in front of her. “You’re more than qualified to serve as our new Senior Administrative Secretary. But what made you want to transfer to Buttercombe, of all places?”
“Well…” Melissa tried to hide her thoughts behind a nervous smile. How do you tell a prospective employer that you heard this place was Hog Heaven? Melissa had spent years stuffing herself on the Gordge Inc. company dime. And for her efforts she had waddled onto Buttercombe’s campus today weighing just over 400 pounds. It wasn’t like she measured her success by her weight. That was just an indicator. But as indulgent as the atmosphere at Gordge was, lately she felt like a big fish in a small pond. Or maybe a big pig in a small pen.
The chairs were inadequate. Her lunch break was too short. The office refrigerator was too small. And worst of all, she was on her feet far, far too often at her size. She had reached the heights of indulgence Gordge had to offer, and she wanted more.
“I think it was just time for a change.”
Fortunately, for Melissa, she didn’t need to say anything. Her interviewer, Dr. Helen Schwartz, had a gift. Maybe it was a twinkle in her eye, the particulars of the tug of her nervous grin, the unique quiverings of her stomach muscles under her stupendous bulk. Or maybe it was the way Helen looked at her, really looked at her, giving her her full attention like she was some modern art piece she was trying to puzzle out; lips pursed, brow furrowed, fidgeting with her pen and leaning over her desk as much as her pudgy frame would allow. Helen saw right through that nervous smile. She saw *everything*.
“Would you like a personal tour of the cafeteria, Ms. Esposito?”
Melissa blinked in confusion. “Is that really the most important thing right now?”
“Isn’t it?” Helen said with a wink.
“Right...right…” Melissa nodded, leaning on Helen’s heavy mahogany desk to push herself up. She did her best to stifle her fatty grunt in the process. “Can I ask you a question, Mrs.--”
“Doktor.” Helen said, already at the door, holding it open for Melissa. “You may.”
“Doctor. With all due respect, why is it that my interview is being conducted by the school counselor?”
Helen peered through the doorway, then shut the door again, leaning up against the handle conspiratorially.
“Melissa, Liebchen...eh, do you mind if I call you Melissa?”
Melissa rested one hand on her fatty hip, while holding shrugging with her other. “Go ahead.”
“You’ve worked in an office long enough to understand that each one has it’s own...idiosynchratic way of doing things, yes?”
Melissa was fat. Melissa was lazy. Melissa was greedy. Melissa was not stupid. She smiled, finally understanding. “Yeah, I get your meaning.”
Helen smiled back. It wasn’t a smile she showed many people. To most people, she was an eccentric loon who rarely focused on work, only mildly more efficient than her predecessor. But the face and tone Helen shared with Melissa was that of a cunning bureaucratic infighter.
“Now, I think I can fast track your approval and see to it that you get *everything* you came here for, now that you understand how we do things here…” Helen gently put her hand on the small of the taller woman’s back, and steered her towards the door. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful...partnership.”
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