One of my favorite things about Patrick (well, along with the greasy menu) was that the booths didn't have stationary tables. I assumed it was for larger parties, so they could snag a table or two for longer setups, but seeing as I had never seen a party larger than 3 (albeit usually weighing enough for a party of 4 or 5- Patrick's didn't attract the healthiest crowd), I had never seen them moved out of a booth. Still, when wiggling my way in, I apologized briefly as I scooted the table towards Alexis and squeezed myself in.
"Oh, no, it's... it's kinda hot." Welp, that cemented it. This girl clearly didn't hold reservations in regards to subtlety. I barely refrained from rolling my eyes- I hope this night didn't turn into nothing but throaty whispers about how large I was.
"So, anyways, what made you pick this place?" I said nonchalantly as I pondered over what flavor of malt to get- I already knew what I was getting off the menu, especially if Alexis was paying.
Alexis blushed a tiny bit, clearly staring at my gut which was pressed lightly into the table. "I, uh, read a review about it being really good?" I had my doubts. As far as I knew, there were only two Yelp reviews, and my Mom had written it after a particularly belt-busting day, leading to a large fight between her and Dad. As far as I recalled, the term "Despicable, unhealthy, and frankly, grotesque" was her tagline, followed by her rambling about how many calories the menu probably had. Frankly, I thought it was a bit of a low blow, even for her. The other review was very positive, but went on to say that they ate 2 servings of fries, and a triple cheeseburger- my guess is the person was probably slightly smaller than me, so it stood to reason they'd dig the place. I only had to guess which one she read.
"Well, the review was right, whatever it was. This place is pretty damn good." I said with a smile. No point in being bitchy about her transparent love for my body- hell, I loved my body too. Just hoped she wouldn't be too aggressive. "Anyways, you haven't even looked at the menu, aren't you gonna check it out?" I asked, noticing she hadn't touched it. She awkwardly stared at it for a minute, before picking it up gently. I almost felt bad, this girl clearly was in over her head. I mean, I had made it pretty clear that I was a big girl, but she seemed shell-shocked a bit. So, when Patrick strode over, I decided to put on a little show for her.
"Heya, Mel!" He said with his usual gusto. "Whatcha thinkin' for starters?" The man knew me well.
"I think, since I can't pick, I'm going to get a chocolate malt AND a strawberry shake, along with an order of onion rings, and a double side of honey mustard, if ya please, shugah." I threw on a terrible Southern drawl on the end, which got a chuckle out of Patrick and a giggle out of Alexis- although I couldn't tell if hers was from my stupid attempt at humor or at the fact that I just ordered 1200 calories worth of food before the main course. "Oh, Alexis, you want anything?" I asked innocently, just to drive the point home that I wasn't sharing.
"Uh. Just a water, thanks." She said quietly, and Patrick gave a quick affirmative before whisking off behind the counter. "Holy shit, that's a lot of food. Do you really think you'll still-" She said quietly, eyes wide over the top of her menu, but I cut her off.
"Alexis, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm kinda... Fat. And I need a lot of food. So yes, I'm pretty sure I can finish it all, and still get a burger." I gave her a wink, which sent her hiding under her menu again. Damn, for a girl that apparently lived in a veritable mansion, who owned fucking horses, and drove a brand new car that probably could pay off our house mortgage, this girl wasn't exactly too keen on conversation. Still, she was footing the bill, I guess I could give her a bit of a show.
By the time the appetizer round came out, along with our drinks, Alexis had set her menu down, so Patrick took our orders. I let Alexis go first so I could slam down one of my drinks, because my stomach was rumbling something fierce by now and I couldn't quite concentrate. She ordered a chicken salad- of course, with her skinny figure, I'm sure she didn't realize that it was covered in chicken tenders and absolutely drenched in ranch dressing, but I'm sure she would be too busy staring at me to notice, since when Patrick got to me, I was down one malt but still starving, and so I said- "I need a triple cheeseburger deluxe, with fries, of course, an adult grilled cheese, with bacon, of course, and, oh, I dunno, why don't I get a side- no, scratch that, an order- of the mac and cheese. And a Coke, I guess."
Alexis had turned bright red. Damn, this girl was really transparent about her preferences. Patrick, of course, didn't miss a beat. "Just like the old days, girl." He said with a grin as he scooped off the menus and made his way to the back. Alexis had slouched slightly and her mouth was open. Shit, was I the first girl she ever saw do this? I almost felt a little bad, and so, with all of my social grace, I asked-
"Shit, have you never been with someone who eats like this?" Her face got even redder, if such a thing was possible. She awkwardly stuttered for a bit, and then said:
"No, actually. You, uh... I mean, that is to say, I don't really, leave the house much." I could tell. "I mean, if we're being honest about it, I, um..."
I cut her off, I could only take a guess at what she was going to say. "Look, Alexis, let's just take this one thing at a time. Tell me a bit about yourself, yeah? I mean, I'm still gonna pig out, because that's just what I do, but don't think this is a thing- not yet, anyways. I barely know you!" I felt a little bad, but put it the best way I could. She didn't seem too defeated by the comment, which was good. I mean, I may come across a little bombastic, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna rush into something with someone I don't know. Anyways, we got to talking, and-
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