"...Uggh... where am I...?"
Bridgit Broadbellows took stock of herself. All her pieces were still there, including her head, which she almost regretted, because it was pounding painfully. Her arms and legs were still there. She patted her hips.
Her swords were gone.
Dammit. She opened her eyes a crack and looked around. She was in a darkened room, with flecks of sunlight lancing in through the woven-branch walls. Her left leg felt heavy; after a moment she discovered that that was because it was attached to the floor with a heavy chain. There was no visible lock to pick.
Double dammit.
She tried to piece last night's events together. She remembered hitting the tavern in Booty Bay with her friends. She'd gotten drunk--scratch that, she'd gotten smashed. After guzzling down enough fruit wine to float a small ship, she'd climbed on her mechano-hog and roared off towards...home? If she hadn't been so drunk, she would have just waited for a portal. As it was, she dimly remembered getting turned around somewhere in the northern hills, finding herself in urgent need of a bathroom, and getting off the hog to relieve herself. Then... well, obviously something had happened.
The door swung open and a troll stepped through. She couldn't place the tribe; the markings weren't Bloodscalp or Skullsplitter. A minor tribe?
Shit. How far off course did I go? she wondered, as the troll sized her up in turn. He was muscular, with heavy teeth, but he held his spear clumsily; Bridgit thought she could take him. If she had her swords, anyway, and if she wasn't chained up.
"Helloh," the troll rasped in heavily accented Common. "Welcome to Stonetusk village, girl human."
Bridgit's hopes sank further. If they'd never seen her people before, she had to be really far from the beaten path. She was probably lucky her captor spoke common at all.
"Listen. If you let me go, I can get you gold. Jewels." She coughed. "Shiny rocks?"
The troll grinned. "It would be a waste. It is hard to find good meat here. And you are the fattest human we have ever caught."
"I'm a dwarf!" Bridgit said indignantly. Then the full meaning of his sentence registered. "And I taste terrible."
"Doesn't look that way," the troll said, sizing her up. "You are round and juicy. Too bad you are so short. Not everyone will get a piece."
Bridgit gulped. "L-listen. I'm really very skinny by dwarven standards. Look, my stomach is flat--well, almost--and my breasts are only single-Ds." She gestured to her leather-wrapped torso.
"Lots of good meat back here," the troll said, picking her up and giving her a slap on the butt. The hut rang with a meaty smack.
"Okay, g-granted," Bridgit said, "but still, I'm mostly very lean and stringy. I don't eat much, you see, I've got to keep trim for--for my job."
The troll pondered. "If we fed dwarf instead of eating her now, she would get bigger?"
"Yes!" Bridgit agreed. "Much, much bigger! Get a little food in me and I just blow up like nobody's business. Why, you'd be a fool to eat me now!"
If I can just stall for a day or so, she thought desperately, my friends will have time to find me. Please, please buy it...
The trolls prodded her in the stomach. "Fat dwarf girl really will get fatter?"
"Huge!" she agreed, nodding fervently. "You'll have leftovers for weeks!"
"Hmm," the troll said. "All right. Instead of us having feast, you will have feast."
He leaned down and snapped the chain with his bare hands. Bridgit gulped. If they were all this strong, it wouldn't be easy to get away.
The troll turned and looked at her sternly, before adding, "But dwarf girl better fatten up quick!"
"Hey, it's a promise," Bridgit said, raising her hand. A bead of sweat trickled down her cheek.
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