You can't help but feel some guilt, for your children's contempt. As you feel their accusations and disappointments have some truth in them. You can't imagine Beth, ever quietly settling into a domestic life, her strength and determination is mental as well as physical. The hope of a strong mother-daughter bond a distant faded memory.
You also feel guilty about failing to inspire Michael to try harder, despite his clear intelligence, he's taken the path of least resistance, his grades were excellent, and if he'd wanted there were grants, loans and all kinds of assistance available for someone with his brilliance.
Amy had her own brilliance, although it was harder to admire. As the youngest, she was perhaps spoiled as a child. Her constant barbs, draw a smile from Jack, as she twists him around her little finger.
You look to the reality shift page, ready to remake yourself. Ready to put yourself beyond all those criticisms, insults and those nagging self-doubts.
- - - - -
Typing your name into the main page, a wire frame avatar appears dominating the screen. It spins slowly on the spot, with an array of data and menus available at the side. You recognise it as your own body, slightly disappointing, slightly too heavy and lacking that vital spark.
To reignite Jack's passion, and for your own pleasure you retype your weight. You find the controls intuitive, and fun to watch the effect it has on the screen version of yourself. Tweaking also the waist and hips figures to something more flattering. Despite the visit it all still feels a little unreal, a playful curiosity has you wondering about a bigger bust. What's the attraction for men, your own bust a slightly flabby B-cup feels like holding to the past.
You select yourself as the only person aware of the changes, and make her... you... an expert with cosmetics. Instantly, the avatar shifts to zoom in on the face, and you see a woman who could be fifty, but would certainly pass for younger. A sense of guilt surfaces as you can't imagine being that firm at fifty either.
A snarl flashes across your face, as you hate that self-doubt, those negative feelings. Your damned family would have you deny yourself any pleasures.
You stab the button, 'Initiate Change', and you're taken by a moment of dizziness. Squeezing your eyes shut against a flare of pain, you see the outline of your new reflection vaguely in the black mirror of the computer screen.
"Wow..." you purr.
You could certainly pass as a sister to Beth, with ease. Although your bust, would certainly mark you as less athletic than her. You'd easily attract more attention than her. You rub your shoulders, already aware of the tension... the pain that comes with a bigger bust.
You dismiss the idea of adjusting the girls, as cowardice. It's too soon to change your mind, and you don't want to surrender to the past you quite so soon.
Turning to the bedroom dresser, and the mirror there, you get a proper look at yourself.
https://68.media.tumblr.com/089ecc2726ab...
You realise you've married beneath yourself, you're straight black mane of hair, gives you a deep gothic mystery.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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