This choice: Emily flees to her room in the basement • Go Back... She took a deep breath and brushed away the tears. Her heart was beating so quickly, and her hands were shaking. Her mother stood in the entrance to the kitchen, staring at her, an almost manic glint in her eyes. Slowly Emily realized that there was no escape in staying to help her mother. Instead, Emily would be forced to listen to one of her mother's endless rants about how useless she was or how she should be more like her siblings.
Emily took another deep breath, closing her eyes. She could still feel her mother's leering gaze upon her, waiting impatiently for Emily to submit to her domineering will. The beast howled at her to leave and join Michael at the buffet. It took all her will just to resist as it crushed her down inside, drowning her in a flood of guilt and pain.
Emily opened her eyes and felt her breath catch in her throat. Her mother's menacing expression was cold and calculated- like a wolf deciding how best to devour a trapped lamb. Yet, the glint of the wild in her eye was unmistakable. There would be no getting out of this unscathed.
Emily felt her feet move on instinct. Her mother's eyes went wide as Emily darted away, ignoring her mother's angry curses. She was moving so fast that she took the stairs to the basement four at a time. The narrow hallway flew past, her feet barely touching each step before pushing forward.
Still moving, Emily pushed open the door to her room and shut it behind her before her mother could think to stop her. Her hands shook as she turned the lock on the door and threw herself on her bed, burying her face in her pillow as tears flowed freely from her eyes. Emily knew exactly what her mother would say. Her mother would say Emily was useless and stay home and be happy to have a roof over her head. Her mother would lament Emily's choices and tell her she should be ashamed of how she dressed and acted with her friends. Was Emily really so afraid of her mother that she would run away? Emily knew she was.
Emily felt the beast in the back of her mind, tittering with glee. The beast was more muscular now, fed by Emily's suffering, provided by her mother's anger and her humiliation. Every time Emily gave into the beast's sadistic urges, it grew stronger. Every time it grew stronger, Emily's will to resist it weakened. Emily wasn't sure it could be caged again if she gave in now.
Yet, her mother's words seemed to echo in her mind, "Honestly, I'd rather you have ended up as fat as her rather than the unappealing twig you are now." The words seemed to undermine everything she'd tried to accomplish by resisting the beast. Was it all for naught? Would she have been better off if she'd never caged the beast in the first place?
Emily could feel the beast, its heart pounding in her mind, blood rushing in its ears. It was still raging, still trying to take the reins from Emily on her bed. It could sense her fear, her doubt. It knew her weaknesses, and it would exploit them. It would influence every doubt in Emily's mind and every worry in her heart that hadn't been resolved. It was a beast, cold and calculating, always ready to poke and prod Emily into giving up and giving in.
Emily wanted to believe that she was more robust than the beast. Emily wanted to think that she could control it and cage it away. But what was the point?
Emily hated how boyish and thin she was, and honestly, she was probably teased more for being so light than she ever would've if she'd just let herself get fat. Avoiding the cruel taunting of the other children had been the whole reason she'd reigned in the beast in the first place. Emily had worked to lose all the weight gained from allowing the beast free reign so she wouldn't be teased for being fat, and what had it gotten her? Pain, regret, and heartache. At least if she gave in to the beast's demands, the food could bring her pleasure and relief from the pain and sorrow in her heart.
Emily found herself wondering what it would be like to be as fat as Sam. To just let the beast have her, accept her fate, and grow fatter and fatter. But, instead, Emily felt her eyes grow heavy. Her hands were still shaking as she held the pillow to her face. Her head was getting foggy and heavy, like Emily had a nasty headache. Was she sick? Emily felt beads of sweat drip down her forehead and sting her eyes. Her head spun, and she couldn't seem to focus. The thought of being as fat as Sam seemed to engulf her mind, drawing her in farther and farther from her unhappy life. If only she was that fat.
Emily's finger's tingled, and she felt a warmth in her chest, "I wish I was fatter than Sam." The words were barely audible, yet Emily could feel them in her mind. The words seemed to reverberate through her, dragging Emily deeper and deeper into the depths of the beast.
Emily's mouth was dry, and her throat felt sore. Emily forced herself to swallow as the tingling in her fingers spread up into the rest of her hands. Emily rolled onto her back as a strange sensation began to fill her chest. Every breath seemed to fill her body, permeating every inch of her skin with warmth.
"I wish I was fatter than Sam. Then my mom couldn't complain about how thin I was. I just want to be able to eat whatever I want without worrying about the weight I'm gaining. I just want to be happy," a sneer crept onto Emily's lips as she fantasized about fatter, happier times.
"If I was fatter than Sam, I could just lounge around all day, and maybe my mom would finally leave me alone for once. I'm so sick of her making me feel like I'm disgusting now. I'm sick of working out and dieting when I just want to sit down and eat all day."
Something in the back of Emily's mind told her to stop. She should try and stop this. She should try and stop herself. But was she really willing to give in this time? Was she ready to be a fat girl all the time? Was Emily willing to give in to the beast just to spite her mother? Emily's brow furrowed as she considered her newfound determination.   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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