There was nothing quite like the feel of a good boardwalk, seasoned by years of sand and sand, under your bare feet. Well, except for the sand itself, of course. But the boardwalk was a close second. Shelli breathed in the smells of the beachfront. Frying fish, fresh board wax... even the fragrant aroma of the requisite fifty-something shirtless beach bums was familiar and comforting.
They say life began in the ocean, Shelli reflected. Or from an asteroid or somethin'. But that asteroid probably landed in the ocean, right? No wonder it felt like home.
There was a crowd around Meg G. Karp's Seafood Shack, but it wasn't hard for the lanky surfer chick to see over them and catch a glimpse of what was going on. It looked like some kind of eating contest, with several competitors chowing down on plates laden with crisp crustaceans and heavily-breaded molluscs. She was only mildly interested, and was about to turn away, until she spotted...
"Loupi?" Shelli raised her voice. "Hey! Loop!"
The pudgy young Psyduck looked up from the fried flounder she was devouring and grinned cheerfully. "Hey, Shelli! Are you here to compete too?"
"No! No, I'll just--'scuse me, comin' though--cheer you on from the sidelines." Shelli leaned over the rope separating the audience from the competitors. "You holdin' out okay?"
Loupi patted the stack of plates next to her proudly. "Five down... however many plates to go!"
"Well, just don't bust your guts open or anythin'. Looks like you're actually doin' pretty good. That big Sharpedo guy's way ahead of you, though. Like, by eight plates."
"Oh, that doesn't mean anything," Loupi said. "We didn't start all at once. It's an all day event, you start when you want and you have an hour to eat as much as you can. I still have like forty-five minutes to go!"
"Yeah, but he's had thirteen plates. And he's still goin'."
"So? His hour's almost up. And if I ate five plates in fifteen minutes than I can eat, ah... twenty plates by the end, right?"
Shelli raised an eyebrow. "You sure that's how it works?"
"Oh, come on!" Loupi said, stuffing another clam into her mouth. "Maybe I'm not the best math-er, but even I can do that problem! I dare you to look me in the eye and say four times five isn't twenty!"
Shelli grinned. "Tell you what, Loop. If you actually manage to eat twenty plates of food, not only will I apologize for doubting you, I'll personally pay the rental fee for the forklift we'll need to move you afterwards."
"Agreed," Loupi nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a face to stuff."
"Good luck. Just... seriously, Loop, don't hurt yourself or anythin'. It's not worth it just for... what's the prize."
"Some surf thingy." Loupi jerked her thumb at the sign above the stage.
"Meg G. Karp's Seafood Shack presents the third annual blah blah blah..." Shelli read. "The contestant who can eat the most plates of food in an hour will win the grand prize of... of..."
Her eyes opened wide.
"A Rocket-brand Serial Blast-Off 2000? B-b-but only three of those were ever made! They're... they're legendary boards! You mean... you mean you're trying to win one of those?"
"Trying, poo. I'm doing it."
"Oh, Loop." Shelli's eyes moistened. "Sometimes you're just completely and totally awesome, you know? I've wanted an SBO 2000 ever since I was a Squirtle!"
"Cool! Maybe I'll let you ride it sometime."
Shelli's face fell. "What."
"You know, when I'm tired of it."
"Are...are you serious? You're not serious. You don't seriously mean you're going to seriously keep it for yourself."
"Well, I'm the one winning it, aren't I?"
"You... buh...wuh..." Shelli stammered. "But it's a legendary board! And you called it a 'surfing thing'. And you don't even surf!"
"I know. I'm gonna use it to iron my raincoats."
"Of all the selfish...disrespectful... ooh! I just can't believe you, you freaking hodad!" Shelli fumed, stepping over the rope.
"Hey, audience is supposed to stay behind the line," growled a Krabby with a mouthful of crab legs.
"Oh, stuff it. Isn't that cannibalism?"
"Yeah, well, your face is...is dumb-alism," the Krabby shot back. "Like a big... dumb... I'm just gonna go back to eating now."
"Good," Shelli snarled. "Anyway, I'm not an audience member. Starting now, I'm a competitor. And you can just find yourself another ironing board, missy, 'cause I'm gonna win!"
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