Gumball gave a tired sigh as he climbed out of bed. He was dressed only in a night shirt and underwear, but also wore an expression of raw defeat as he looked out over his room.
“What’s wrong, buddy?” Darwin asked, poking his head out from his fishbowl.
“I don’t know. You think I’m too young to go through a midlife crisis?”
“Yes, but continue. It’s healthy to get this stuff off your chest.”
“Well, I’m just wondering if this is it.” Gumball indicated his messy room. “I wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, eat again, stay in school, try not to incur Ms. Simian’s wrath, come home, eat dinner, and go right to bed. And also maybe the occasional wacky hijinks that seems to follow me around like some obsessive stalker, but that’s beside the point. Is this all I have to look forward to in life?”
“I think you might’ve forgotten a few things in that list,” observed Darwin. “Like homework.”
Gumball crossed his arms defiantly. “Oh, I didn’t forget. I simply chose to leave it out. But if you insist, that makes things even worse. Minus.”
“There’s hanging with our friends in school.”
Gumball made a sound like a buzzer. “Most of those guys have tried to kill me at least once. Minus.”
“There’s Penny.”
“Definite plus! Granted, she’s also tried to kill me a few times, but she’s cute when she’s mad, so I’ll let it slide.”
“There’s the family. Mr. Dad, Mrs. Mom, and Anais.”
“Eh. Mixed bag. Sure, the unconditional love is nice, but we’ve also tried killing each other on several occasions. Hmm. Now that I think about it, it seems like everything and everyone has tried to kill us at some point. I’m putting this one in the minus pile.”
“There’s me, the best friend/brother who’s stuck by you through thick and thin.”
Gumball pursed his lips. “Okay, yeah. That’s also a big plus, but not enough to counterbalance the fact that the world seems out to get me.”
“I thought you were having a midlife crisis.”
“I did too, but suddenly I’m paranoid about all the things that seem to want me dead!”
“In all fairness, most of those things didn’t happen without provocation. Not that it’s an excuse,” Darwin argued, “but we do have a talent for pissing people off. Maybe if we didn’t do that so much, we’d have fewer brushes with death.”
Gumball tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I see. So what you’re saying is… we need to create some big, elaborate spectacle to win the town over and-”
“Not do that,” Darwin cut him off. “That’s usually the sort of thing that upsets people to begin with. Instead, I propose we live our best lives and try to get along with everyone in the hopes that they’ll respond in kind.”
“Eh. Sounds boring, which just brings us right back to the midlife crisis.” Gumball huffed and fell back against his pillow.
Darwin rolled his eyes so hard that he tumbled in his bowl. “Maybe you’re just in a rut. Would some wacky hijinks make you feel better?”
Gumball shrugged. “I guess. What’d you have in mind?”
Darwin hummed thoughtfully. “It should be something exciting enough to pull you out of your rut, but not so exciting that it gives others the urge to kill.”
“I’ve got it!” In the blink of an eye, Gumball leapt from his bed, across the room, and hopped onto his computer. He jumped online and started hunting around for his idea. “I heard Penny mention this a while ago, but was distracted by the melodious blowing of some leaves and forgot. Sounded pretty interesting, though. Ah ha!”
Darwin walked up to Gumball’s side and stared questioningly at the website. “Vore? What’s that?”
Gumball scrolled down to find a wide gallery of pictures depicting various acts under the broad umbrella of vore. “It looks like people eating each other, most of them are naked, and they’re all making some really weird faces.”
“Those pictures make me feel funny,” admitted Darwin as he covered his fishy privates.
Gumball looked down at the bulge poking up in his underwear. “Me too. Hmm. Usually that thing’s gone down by now, but it feels different this time.”
“Could it be the pictures?”
“That would be the logical explanation. Clearly we must investigate this matter further,” avowed Gumball seriously. “I guess we could see what all the internet has to teach us, then try it out with our family and friends without properly consulting any adults beforehand, and see what happens.”
“Not the most responsible plan, but it does sound like the perfect setup for wacky hijinks. Let’s do it!” Darwin deepened his voice to sound extra serious.
And so the boys began their journey down the rabbit hole. Luckily it was a Saturday, so they could afford to be a little lazy. They read on forums and explored a vast gallery of pictures. They even found quite a few familiar faces. Masami the cloud girl was doing some weird things to her mom’s swimsuit area, Mr. Small seemed to be sinking himself into the lower back area of Principal Brown’s fur, Hector eating Doughnut Sheriff, and just about everyone else in Elmore. It seemed like everyone in town was in on this, leaving Gumball and Darwin out in the cold. Well that ended today. Feeling that they’d learned enough, the boys got dressed, marched straight down stairs, and confronted the first person they saw.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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