Chapter #46When the Guards Come Down by: Seuzz "Cindy," says Maria, and she folds her hands like she's a fucking guidance counselor and Cindy's a student who's fucked up her schedule, or something. "How long have you been thinking about breaking up with Seth?"
You cover your face with your cap to keep from laughing.
"For a little while," you hear Cindy reply. And those four words are enough to cause you to lose it. "Oh, God!" you gasp, and shake all over with suppressed laughter. When it's subsided, you listen to the silence from behind your cap.
"Eric," says Maria in that same tone of calm disappointment. "Is there something you want to share?"
You drop your cap and twist onto your back to grin up at Cindy. She glares down at you. "No ma'am," you say.
"He's gonna tell you it's bullshit," says Eva. "We never heard Cindy complaining about Seth. Did we, sis?"
"Maybe I need to refresh your memories," says Cindy. "Seth has always been an asshole. He's always had only one thing on his mind, and I've been getting very tired of -- "
"Is that what this is about, Keith?" says Maria. "You don't want to keep in character as Cindy because she and Seth are, um -- ?"
"Well, who would?" you holler. You squirm down more comfortably onto the floor, the back of your head resting neatly in Cindy's lap and your face turned to the ceiling. "Fucking psychotic Javits fuckfaced fuck. He isn't even that good on the basketball court. If Cindy wants to fuck him -- I mean, if Keith wants to fuck him over by breaking up with him, let him." You raise your arm and snap your fingers. "Yo! Josiah! You puttin' out for Gordon?"
"Huh?"
Eva snickers. Jessica says, "Earth to Chelsea, Earth to Chelsea," and they both break into titters.
"Josiah knew what he was getting into," says Maria. "I presumed that Keith did too."
"Sure I did," says Cindy. "But it's one thing to know it and another to, you know. Know it."
"Know it," you muse at the ceiling of the storage unit. "Know it in the flesh. Know it in the hot, turgid, steely, molten, cum-quatted flesh, ramming itself down your throat and up your -- "
Cindy thwaps you. Jessica says, "Kumquatted?"
"I can appreciate that, Keith -- "
"Oh, fuck you, man, no you can't," Cindy snarls, "not until you've done it or remembered doing it." Her legs shake, apparently with a shudder.
You shoot your hand back in the air. "I volunteer for the job of showing Maria what it's like to have a guy's love munchkin nosing up inside her -- " Cindy thwaps you again.
"But this is going to change things for her," Maria says. "We're not going to play these girls forever. We're going to return them to normal at some point, and when that happens -- "
"Uh, Earth to Maria," says Eva. "We've already changed their lives. They're gonna notice they missed some days, and lots of classes, and homework, and -- "
"But that's not a change," says Maria. "That's just -- just stuff they'll have missed. Whereas dumping a boyfriend -- "
"I don't see what the difference is."
"Dude." You raise your head to squint at Eva. "Weren't you, like, telling Jenny and them the other day they needed to talk Cindy out of dumping Seth's ass?"
"So I changed my mind." She shrugs. "I thought about it and now I'm like, whatever makes Keith happy."
"'Cos then we get to be happy doin' what we want to do," says Jessica. She raises her beer. "Cheers, sis." They bump cans.
"And what's that?" Maria's tone is very cold.
"Haven't decided yet," says Eva as Jessica chugs the rest of her beer. "But when we do -- " She leans back and splays her legs as Jessica rips another belch. "I think you're going to hear about it."
Chelsea giggles in the silence that follows.
"I think we are in danger of completely losing focus on the point of this experiment," Maria says. Her voice is tight and frigid.
"Oh, give it up, man!" Jessica flops onto her side. "No one gives a fuck about -- The only reason we're doing this is 'cos, you know, tits." She grabs one of her breasts. "There's the puppy. Are you a sweet puppy?" she coos. "I think you are. I think you're a -- Hands off!" She slaps Eva's hand away. "You some kind of pervert? I'm your sister, God damn it."
"Look, guys, Philip's right," says Cindy. "We said we were going to help him with this thing, and we should. We don't want to break any promises."
"Dumb fucking promise," Jessica mutters.
"Hey! Come on! Yo!" Cindy hurls her own beer can -- thankfully empty -- at Jessica's head. Her friend glowers, but doesn't otherwise react. "How fucking hard is it to -- Basically, you just need us to be in character and to say and do some easy shit for you, right?"
"Spread some talk, plan some parties," says Maria. "Things I thought would be fun in and of themselves."
"Right. We can do that. And the only thing we ask, man, is that you let us have a little fun of our own and not have to do the kind of shit that makes us vomit."
"Like swallowing Seth Javits's cum," you volunteer.
"Exactly," she says. "Like swallowing Seth Javits's cum."
"Besides," you continue and twist around to look at Maria, "isn't Cindy breaking up with Seth exactly the kind of thing you'd want to do, if you're trying to figure out who says what to who and how much they care? It rings a pretty big bell. Everyone talks about it, and then you get to see, you know -- "
Her expression is very dark, but a thoughtful light comes into her eye. "That is a point," she says.
"Damn straight it is. I can tell you at least some people who aren't cheerleaders would be paying attention and would do something about it if they heard about it."
"Who?"
"Me." You fall back to stare up at Cindy. "Hey babe, hear you don't like assholes, so I know you're gonna luuuuuuuv me!"
* * * * *
As sexy as it is hanging out with cheerleaders with your head in Cindy's lap, it's not long before you're bored and cross with all the different kinds of stupidity going on in that storage unit, and it's not even five when you scramble up and announce that you've got places to be and girls to do. Three of your friends -- Eva, Jessica and Chelsea -- don't react to your announcement. Cindy gives you half-smile and a little nod. And Maria --
Well, you're in your Jeep and just leaning forward to twist the ignition on when the door to the climate unit opens and she comes out. She must have sprinted to catch you. After a moment's hesitation she climbs into the passenger side with you. You turn to face her, but from behind your shades you're actually staring at her strong, brown thighs.
"It's funny," she says. "But you were the most reasonable person in there."
"Damn straight. Fuckin' A. You wanna kiss me with that mouth?"
She gives you a dirty look, then does a double take at you. "Who exactly am I talking to?"
You resettle your cap. "Who does it look like?"
"That's just it. I'll admit I don't know you very well, Will, but the impression I have off you is, well, that this isn't really your personality."
You grin and slide down in the driver's seat with your legs splayed. "So who you like better?"
"That's not the question or the issue. I'm just noticing that -- " She cocks her head. "Is it on account of your impersonating a guy?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that -- Well, I assume that you're being in character as Eric. Because your behavior, as I said, doesn't fit my mental image of you. But it's spot on for Eric."
"Like I asked, who do you like better?"
"And like I said, never mind. But are you trying to be in character as him?"
"I'uh know," you reply. "I just do what comes naturally."
"And it's ... natural? ... for you to act this way?"
"Sure."
You're having a hard time taking this conversation seriously, because it's Maria Vasquez it looks like you're talking to, and it's hilarious to hear her talking like a Vulcan while looking like Mexican cheesecake. But when she frowns, you sigh.
"Look, I don't have to try anything," you tell her. "Eric, he's all in me and around me and when I'm not looking he just happens. Isn't it that way with you?"
"I'm not sure, but I don't think so."
"Well -- " A thought occurs to you. "Okay, it's like laughing gas. You ever taken laughing gas? If you just roll with it, you can't help acting like a goof. But if you concentrate, you can ignore it. Well, not totally, you know, but it just becomes like this funny-smelling stuff that makes your nose feel all funky. It's like that here. I don't have to act like Eric if I don't want to, but it's still like I've got him in my nose, so it's just easiest to relax and -- Hey, what's that?" You point to a spot on her boob, and flick her nose when she looks down. Then you dart in to kiss her on the cheek. "Act like him."
"Interesting," she says as she wipes the spot away. "I do wonder how you'd do as a girl."
"I'd be sexy. Well, depending on the girl, of course."
Her expression has turned speculative. "Would you like to try the experiment?"
"Would you let me switch?"
She hesitates. "No, I'm not sure I would. Eric is too well placed for what I'm interested in. You've convinced me of that."
"So let's find me a girl who's well-placed like Eric."
"No," she says. "Let's find you two or three."
"Say what?"
"Two or three people to be. Like a pea in a shell game. Let's give you lots of places to work from." You have the following choice: 1. Continue |
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