You cross your arms across your prodigious breasts. "Are there any other options?"
"Frankly, no. The kind of melding procedure I have in mind would only work to put you into his body. No other container would be suitable."
"Why not?"
"Are you interested in taking his body?"
You make a face. "Not really."
"Then it would be a waste of time explaining things to you. Suffice it to say that 'body swapping,' however common in the movies, is fiendishly difficult to pull off in real life. Because Mr. Shabbleman is your cousin—"
"My what?!"
"Your cousin. I found him in Cuthbert. You know of them, don't you?"
Brrrrr. Yeah, that explains a lot ...
Blackwell continues: "Because he is your cousin, however, it might just be within my ken to put you into his body."
You smile tightly. "Yeah, well, I plan to be around for awhile. If it's a choice between moving into his body and spending years researching spells on how to do a regular body swap, I think I'll do the research."
He shrugs. "As you say, your vessel is not going anywhere. I will find some other way of handling Mr. Shabbleman."
"Fine. Now that we've settled that, will you explain to me what this whole 'killing me' thing is about?"
"Mmm. Yes. Well, after last night I thought it best to effect a separation between you and your cousin—"
"What is he doing around here, anyway?"
Blackwell's face twinges. "Might I ask you to be a little less bitchy in your manner, Miss Vredenburg?" he waspishly asks, emphasizing the name associated with your alias.
You force yourself to relax.
"Thank you. He is here because, as I told you, he is your cousin. After your untimely disappearance, I decided I still wanted an adept, preferably someone of your blood line." You arch your eyebrows, but he ignores it. "I chose your cousin after researching your family tree and visiting Cuthbert. It's a choice I regret now, for many reasons, not least of which is that you have returned, thereby rendering his services superfluous."
"So why don't you fire him?"
"I doubt he would take rejection well. His family certainly wouldn't."
"So get rid of him and send a golem back in his place."
"Are you sure you don't want his body?" You shake your head firmly. "Then that is what we will have to do," he says with a sigh. "It will be tricky—"
"And what does all this have to do with faking my death?"
"Because," Blackwell says. "So long as you were around he would be on his guard. Now that he thinks you are dead—"
"Oh, I get it."
"Yes. Furthermore, because I'm the one who, er, 'killed' you, thereby proving that I prefer him as an apprentice, he will be less on his guard against me."
"Oooh, very clever, Professor." He makes a slight bow. "So what is our plan?"
His manner suddenly becomes very tentative. "I— Ah— I recognize that you have a strong aversion to his company and to his person ... Uh-herghm ..."
You don't like the way he's fudging. "Ye-es?"
He bites his lip and looks everywhere but your face. "Erm ... Would you be willing, purely in the interests of getting rid of him ... It may be the only way ... Er ... Well, would you be willing to seduce him?"
You cross your arms, cross your legs, and press back in the chair. "First you suggest putting me inside him," you say through gritted teeth. "Now you suggest letting him come inside me?"
He tugs his ear wryly. "Putting it that way rather does make it sound as though I have a fetish."
"Stick to slash fiction, Professor."
"What?"
"Nothing." You sigh and ponder a bit. Eventually you give up. "Okay, what am I supposed to do about my parents? Lucy's parents, I mean."
"What do they have to do with anything?" Blackwell asks in surprise.
"Well, Lucy is supposed to be out of town. That's what you had her tell them a few days ago."
"Yes, a road trip. I needed the golem that was inside her, so that I could send a Shabbleman golem back to the Cuthbert. I needed a week to manufacture a second golem as a replacement for her."
"Where is the second golem?"
"In the mausoleum. The soil you so helpfully dug up doubles not only as your corpse but as the raw material to a new golem, which is cooking even now."
"What happened to the first golem?"
"It's the one you're inside, of course." He makes a face. "Why do you ask all this?"
"Just trying to keep things straight. See what resources we've got." You suck on a strand of hair. "I guess sleeping with a guy is the easiest way to get his guard down. But I'd like to try thinking up a different way. That's why I wanted to know what to tell my ... Lucy's parents. I'd need time to think, so I'll be going home."
"Tell them whatever you want, and take as much time as you need," Blackwell says. "I didn't envision an assignation taking place this afternoon."
You can't suppress a smile as you stand up. "Like Lucy hasn't done slept with a guy twenty minutes after meeting him ..."
"Before you go— If you're not going to use seduction," Blackwell says, "force would probably have to be employed. It might be wise of you to acquire a male body."
"What's wrong with Jared? He's got muscles."
"But there is no knowledge or technique inside it." Blackwell smiles mirthlessly. "Do you know how to fight?"
"Well enough." You tilt your chin.
But he looks skeptical. "The big strong body of someone who knows how to use it," he rumbles. "Mr. Shabbleman, I deem, is quite dangerous."
"I'll think about it," you say.
And you do. Late that night, when Blackwell calls to check up on you ...
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