One Stop Erotica Shop!

I realize it sounds stupid, but it's the use of "four-letter words" (literal and figurative) that turns me off quickest when reading erotica.

I know I'm in the minority...but when I'm reading along, and the scene has nice description and action and everything, and then all of a sudden...the narrator starts using words like "asscrack" and "fuck" and "clit" and "cunt" and "dick"...it just totally spoils it for me. :/ I dunno. I just view these as "slang" words, and for them to be coming from an uninvolved narrator just completely jars me, and ruins the realism of the story.

I guess the best comparison I can make is, say you're reading a regular dramatic story and the narrator is describing a scene where two people meet in a mall or something:

So, this chick and this dude met at the mall, and they hung out, and it was so phat, it was like, DA BOMB! Then Rickie went walking by, and he was all, BLING-BLING!

...Yeah, that's crappy sounding because I'm obviously not up on my slang, sorry. But you see what I mean. When the NARRATOR starts spitting out slang words, it just totally blows the story's credibility. To me it's the equivalent of the cameraman getting in the shot in a movie. IMO, unless the narrator is a character in the story, or unless the narration is describing a character's thoughts, it should for the most part not be USING slang. And words like "fuck," "ass," "cunt," etc., are slang (IMO--I realize not everyone will agree with me).

(For some reason, I am SOMEWHAT more tolerant of the words "cock" and "balls," though not as tolerant of the latter...no clue why this is. I guess "cock" just sounds classier. I realize "clit" is just short for clitoris, but...use the whole word already!! Or I shall start calling the penis "pen"! )

Anyway...I STILL dislike these words when they are used by CHARACTERS in the story, in dialogue/thoughts...but at least they do not really jar me from the story, they just make me laugh at the dialogue. Some characters really DO talk like that, but I'm sure not everybody yells things like "Oh yes, fuck me HARDER! Make me CUUMMMMMMMM!" (Well...at least my characters don't. But then again my characters are weird. ) Especially in a nice romantic scene, such dialogue just rings false. It sounds better in a porn-type scene than in a romantic erotica scene. If you have two characters getting it on hot and heavy, then fine, go for the four-letter words...but if you have candlelight and roses and satin sheets, "fuck" just kind of ruins the atmosphere.

This is probably the most adult-oriented post I have ever made anywhere.

So that's what turns me off quickest. I do not see what's so wrong with euphemisms like "shaft," or even just the real word, like "penis"...though I did have one person tell me once that I sounded rather technical. (Hey, at least I'm not using terms like urethra and vaginal opening and...whatever! I can't even remember by now. O_o ) But that's just my preference. Unless my narrator is a participating character who really DOES use words like "fuck" and "ass," then I have no use for those words in my writing, and I do not care to see them in others' writing either.

As you can imagine, I do not read much erotica because of this.