Youth Suicide Prevention Initiative

Allegro, thanks so much for sharing your story with us. Sorry for the brief delay in responding, but it seems to be a summer for struggling for a lot people, near and far.

Tu trabajo hasta ahora es simplemente espectáculo, y pienso que cuando nuestra vida aparece demasiado dificil, recuerda que las mismas cosas son oportunidades importantes también. Liebe, Heiterkeit...love and serenity. Two of the dozen or so words I still remember from my own German courses...but two good ones to hang on to, no doubt. Always keep in mind just how many countless ways the work you undertake affects those you love - even strangers - as the world is a better place for it in more aspects than any of us could ever imagine.

Just what you've given us in your post here will no doubt affect the lives of any that come across it, possibly enough to inspire hope, instigate change, or even dissuade another's potential decision to do themselves harm.

Since my stepfather passed away, I've looked into several philosophies, across numerous cultures, and one that I'm sure you know is the concept of xiào, or more perhaps rén in general...

I know it must be difficult, adhering to an ideal as fundamental as benevolence and loyalty to family/parents/loved ones despite an ever-present shared mindset such as kiasu, but again, I hope it gives you some faith and confidence that in suffering through the difficult times - loneliness, frustration, even hopelessness - we do gain invaluable insight into ourselves, even though it may feel to be the worst possible way to learn exactly who we are and what we're made of.

You seem to be made of quite a bit, no doubt stronger than you suspect, but you remain humble and extremely self-aware.

That benevolence, that loyalty, so often valued above nearly all else - not to mention your work ethic and tireless efforts - will prevail. Take time now for yourself, be comfortable that you've already made a significant difference in the lives of those you love, and remember that no matter how isolated or alienated depression makes us feel, when we are good to those we care about then good will in turn come to us. I promise you that. I've found in these past two years that both joy and suffering are essentially tied by a common thread: the individual's journey, through pain and success alike, and that same individual's triumph not in success-to-come but successes already achieved.

Know that what you've already done has bettered you and many others. Give yourself a chance to let your mind rest. Seek out a friend with whom you can confide your fears without the worry that any stigma would be attached to it. Play the piano whenever you can, lose yourself in your music if possible.

Live for you, because without first doing that, life really is just a competition, "beating others" to the top when surely in this era there's room enough for more than just one. I know that because of who I am I've had to reexamine a great deal of the culture I call my own. Some of the prejudices I can accept as merely the way things are for now and perhaps they'll change, but in other instances it's important to remember that without bucking the trend, the trend becomes more and more a philosophy of life rather than a necessity of survival.

Live, don't just survive. You deserve it. Trust me.
~Drew