Writer's Fallout Shelter

Well, I got some more feedback from another writer on WDC who made some good points and got me thinking. Then of course the comments on here. So, I've given Sagon the basic dream of using magic to eliminate poverty in his culture - he was raised in poverty so it occupied his thoughts and frustrated him that magic was horded by the rich only. Plus, this will add more tension between him and other "allies"/friends that he makes of the upper classes, but through most of the book, although he has high honors and position, he's still unable to take magic to the poor. This would frustrate him and feel more the corruption and hypocrisy of the rich. So I'm hoping to centralize the tension and give more clear momentum through threading this dream/idea through the book.

Meanwhile, I've been slashing and burning. I've downsized by 2 chapters in trying to cut out downloads, wandering or vague dialogue, setting details that get too thick, etc. Then I'm splicing in a couple more "action" or "confrontational" sequences. Including Sagon being faced with a girl who loves him but he doesn't even like. Her father is forcing her to marry and she's desperate for Sagon to rescue her from the heartless tyranny of her father's political ambitions. Originally, Sagon didn't find out until book II what happened to her, but now I'm allowing her to face Sagon and plead her case and declare her love. Sagon does nothing.

Plus, because now Sagon would be trying to petition and change rules to allow him to take magic to the poor, I have one sequence where I plan to add a very heated confrontation between Sagon, the Emperor and Sagon's "sponsor"/mentor figure (who also happens to be the Emperor's adviser and childhood/best friend). A nice little, near-fallout would probably help.

So, those are the things that I'm working on. Progress is slow, but respectable considering the amount of other stuff and responsibilities that I have going on in my "real life". Hoping to have it cleaned up enough to submit again at the end of October, before NaNoWriMo. Baen has the old version of the story, but their year is up in October.

Gotta get the revisions done, cleaning/polishing, and the marketing tools (query letter and synopsis) revamped with the new changes before then. Lots to work on, but I'm staying optimistic!

Thank you for checking up on me and my poor little book.

-Renegade