Ask Mr. Wizzo!

Response: The only logical way to find this out is obviously not to sit there and lick it yourself, as that could take hours. Even years, if you happen to have some sort of saliva-reducing disease.

My advice is to build a machine with a human tongue attached to it (yours, if you're feeling especially wacky today), and have it lick constantly, keeping a count. Of course, no machine like this currently exists, so you'd have to invent one, and purchase all the parts yourself. This could be rather costly, so you may have to rob a few banks. (Be sure to wear pantyhose on your head. Most people would go with a hockey mask, but that's too manly. It just seems like those guys are overcompensating. Your fellow inmates will respect you much more if you were wearing female undergarments on your head.)

Of course, an alternative is to create a Frankenstein monster and have him lick it. I'm sure that would turn out well. I read it in a book somewhere.