What's real

Mom. The person who i saw when i first woke up at 3:00 Am. She was holding a knife in her hand, looking like she was about to stab someone. I called out to her but there was no answer so i stood up to walk towards her. Each step i came closer the higher the knife went. She was trying to kill me!
Some things in life seem real but some, well most things anyways. That night my mom tried to kill me felt real and looked real but was it real. That night was just all a blur, people keep saying i killed her for no reason but i was defending myself. What's real?
Later that night, after i killed her, i heard sirens and thought to myself thank god they are coming to help me. I went outside to wait for them but they yelled at me, telling me to get on my knees. At that moment i knew i was in trouble, i knew i had to run. I told them it wasn't my fault and that i was defending myself but they never believed me.
I ran as fast as i could, hearing the bullets racing towards me. I had no idea what to do. Some people in movies would know what to do but this is real life. I turned into the alley near my house and stopped to rest. I still hear the sirens and some homeless man grunting in the distance. I walked to where the grunting was, there was a old man who could barely breath. I quickly helped him by taking the rope off of his neck. As soon as i got it off of him he was already dead. So far two people have died,my mom and some old guy. It seems everyone i touch dies. Why is that?
Did i really just kill two people? No, if i didn't have killed my mom i would be the one dead and also i tried to save that man. It wasn't my fault god wanted them to die that way, right? I had nowhere to go, nowhere to sleep, i have no home and if i go back the only home i will have is jail, and i do not want that to be my home.
When i was younger my mom used to sing to me every night to go to sleep. I never fell asleep until she sang to me. Why would she try to kill me? I never did anything to hurt her but i had to that night, It felt good.
Still hearing sirens in the distance i slowly walk with my hood on so they can't see who i am. What am i going to do? I know, i'll go stay at my friends house for the night but the next morning i need to skip town so they won't catch me. I got to my friends house but no one was
home, i really need a place to stay but i have no one else who lives in town. Maybe i can just sleep in his shed, i hope he doesn't mind.
The next morning I woke up to my friend standing over me
“What are you doing here?” He asked. “ You know there looking for you right, so you shouldn’t be here.”
“Please let me stay here for a while, at least until i can find somewhere to stay,” i said hoping him to say yes but instead i heard a different answer.
“No! All you bring me is trouble, if i help you i can go to jail with you. You killed two people James!” The look in his eyes killed me. He stared at me with hatred, it’s like i can read his thoughts. He’s thinking how can i kill two people especially my own mother.
“Look Eric, it’s not what it seems, my mom tried to kill me first. She was in my room with a knife in her hand once I woke up and the homeless man, I tried to save him from dying but i was to late,” I couldn’t help but cry
“Oh stop that, they have proof of you killing your mom and that homeless man. Look!” He showed me the video that somehow got leaked to the public. It showed me with the knife while i was sleeping. Did i actually kill my mother? Who am i? I'm a monster.
I laid back down looking at the grey sky. All i can hear in my head is i'm a monster, im a monster, i'm a monster. Maybe i should just give up hope, turn myself in because i have a mental problem. When i was a kid i saw a bird die in front of me, he was squished by a car and you can still hear its little peep. It was crying for help.
That's when everything came back to me, the memory of me killing the bird, the memory of me killing my mom and the homeless man. I was holding a knife up high in the air not my mom, slowly raising the knife i came down fast at her heart. And the homeless man, i took the rope from the dumpster and put it on his neck while he was sleeping. I am a killer!