The sprig of rosemary

Many years ago, once apon a time and about 1..2...3..4
5 seconds ago.
And away about 17168.34kms from Sydney
In the sunny vibrant city of Barcelona.
Where
The funky beat of music echoes through
Every crack and crevice
There lived a Spanish bar owner, whom had a beautiful
Daughter.
Her long jet black hair,
Adorned her gently shoulders, her skin olive brown, as smooth as silk
And teeth as white pearls.

Everyday the girl had to work in her father’s bar,
By day she was a waitress serving overpaid smelly conquistadors
Gazpacho and gin martinis,
But by night she was an underpaid flamenco dancer,
Grooving to the heart-pumping beats of the
Flamenco music,
The music drowned out by the sounds
Of drunks whooping and cheering
As Spain scored another goal.

Everyday it was the same boring routine for the
Girl and since this 1600’s there was no chance
In the history of the world, she was
Allowed to go to school or university.
So instead she found a hobby of pretending to
Her dad that she was going out to hustle that bustle and
Collect firewood before the daily intoxicating fumes
Of unwashed and smoke-infested rabble.
But instead she’d wander about that forest
Picking herbs and such while scoring goals through the
Clearing of two silver birch trees as her goal.
One particular day (this particular day of all days) it was the
Spanish carnival with vibrant colours and strong smells, with big bonfires that radiated nuclear-like heat, burly boys briskly braving barbarous bulls
In brackeny bullfights.
The dazzling beauties of the beauty contests
And the energetic spark as fireworks light up the sky
In a brilliant display of colour and light.
By order of her father (big daddy)
She was to dance on the flamenco, she would rather gallop along
Hot coals than parade herself on the float.
She had told her father that she was going to collect wood
Before she’d jalapeño hot sauce on the stage.
Her father agreed as the paella cooker
Was on the fritz again.
As the girl meekly ran through the forest annoyed that why couldn’t her dad just call
The handyman.
But she was happy as she could finally run free to do what she pleased, before
The embarrassing task of grooving in front of throngs of hundreds and thousands of people as they whooped and cheered while swigging down beer and eating beans and churros (for some reason all the clamour and fuss of the carnival did not appeal to her)

She pulled up her frilly skirts and glided through the forest in such cheer and happiness
While picking to her hearts content as many herbs as she could get her well manicured fingers on (who says underpaid flamenco dancers can’t be well groomed).
But as she went pick, pick she ran up with her arms filled with herbs the intoxicating aroma blinding her in its fragrant beauty,
She ran up and picked a small sprig of rosemary and instaneously a handsome prince,
Adorned in fine garb and jewels appeared.
The girl was in such shock that she dropped all of her freshly-picked herbs and as the prince neared towards her, she got a great shock of adrenaline and roundhouse kicked across the face (all the dancing and playing soccer between trees, you see).

As the prince woke he looked up at the beautiful Spanish dancer that had knocked him to his royal ground.

He sat up and winced as he took out a little hand mirror from inside his crown,
The mirror was adorned with gold and semi-precious stone of turquoise and amber.
He gasped and looked as though he was going to faint as the colour drained from his beautiful spray-tanned skin he had an ugly mark of black and green in the shape of a high heel along his face.
“That’s going to leave a mark”, he said solemnly.
The girl looked a little taken-back as she had just knocked out royalty onto his regalbackside,
She swept a low curtsey muttering apologies under her breath.
The prince with his clean well moisturized buffed hand lifted her to her feet,
“you have broken the spell and now you are to be my bride and to live in my palace for the rest of our lives,” he said brightly as he brisked her towards his palace,
“hold it right there, buster,”the girl said firmly “I’ve known you for what 10 seconds and you already asking me to marry you, what do you take me for, some concubine you can have some fun with then through in the bin, no I’m a woman and I have needs like I mean we haven’t even had the first date, what are you a creep.”
The prince look surprised he was looking for a girl who would leap into his arms and marry him no questions asked, instead he got a fiery-headed,intelligent,beautiful , round-house kicking flamenco dancer.
So after the first couple of dates, the girl finally agreed to go to his palace.

The girl gasped in awe at the high white marble pillars as tall as the sky and the beautiful garden/s that were trimmed, chopped and groomed each day like a Persian cat, the topiary surrounded courtyards with sculpted swans and other creatures made of ferny, green leaves.
After a couple of days of living in the palace the girl was starting to get realllllyyyy bored, there absolutely nothing to do, she wasn’t allowed in the forest because it was “unsafe”, she wasn’t allowed the kitchens because that’s were the servants were and there were no places to play some soccer,
So the girl was stuck sitting around in her dressing room flipping through magazines likes Vougeth and Baazar Alcazaar, watching boring soaps like the valiant and the fair and greyeth’s anatomae.
The girl desperately wanted to go to the market place or talk to her girlfriends like Cinderella and little red but the magic mirror was on the blink and anyway Cinderella was busy trying on slippers with her fairy god-mother.

In order to entertain herself after watching sex and the town square about 5 billion times the girl decided to explore the palace,
She hiked, she dived and she inspected through the palace she found places she had never even seen before, she found cellars, armouries, washrooms and even a boudoir (which she thought must belong to the prince, whom at this time was hunting with his friends in the forest).
But then she found a door that was painted with a velvet green, she rembered the prince saying “don’t go into the velvet green door, it is severely off limits, not even if there was anything incredibly interesting and amazing in there that could help with that burning pit of boredom, don’t go in there okay,”
“it’s probably a secret warehouse where he keeps his moisturisers and hair product,” she thought to herself but little did she know that
The prince hadn’t been paying his plumbing bills ,so the
Council had rigged the door which was the piping room
To explode.
With a swift flick of her wrist the girl flung open the door and
Boom, bang, crash, ping???
The palace and everyone in it had disappeared, somehow the
Girl had survived the explosion by leaping into the prince’s boudoir and
Had been hiding
Behind the prince’s hair mousse collection (for the best hair care choose Briton, it’s worth it).

The girl emerged from the wreckage and swore, she was furious the prince hadn’t told her he hadn’t payed his plumbing bills, so she went to the nearest magic mirror booth and poured her spare coins into the slot.
She phoned sun direct, to see if they had seen the prince, then she
Called moonstone we’ll find you, they hadn’t seen him and then she phoned up wind’s wonderful white wallets, they had seen him with some chick in a mansion of a boss of a multimillion gold piece company.
In a furious rage the girl flagged down the nearest horse taxi and rode in a furious frenzy towards the mansion.
She arrived at the cast iron stone gates, while the guards were to busy looking at sporteth illustration monthly, the girl sneaked in with the dexterity of a cat at night.

She wandered through the high spiralled walls covered with moss and climbing red roses,
She spotted the prince dressed in a clean silk white shirt and red velvet pantaloons walking, no strolling with a young woman in a long dark green satin robe adorned with diamonds and jewellery, the girl noticed the young woman (whom happened to be the daughter of the president of plumbers international, the company doing the prince’s plumbing) had a strange aroma that smelt of the inside of a lipstick with a mix of arsenic and the prince seemed to be completely drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
The girl in her
Fury stood up to the prince and shook him hard like a dog shaking a rabbit,
But the prince was completely unresponsive the young woman gave the girl a snake-like smile and lead the prince away where they started an extreme make out session.
The girl (although she disliked the prince) was upset because she was the one whom picked him out of the ground not this Jessica Simpsoneth look alike and in her sadness she picked up a brick and chucked at the wall to relieve her feelings but as it happened the prince had walked over to the wall to pick the woman a flower and the brick had crashed, bang ping??? Knocked him out cold,
In desperation the woman tried to fan her love with her peacock feather fan but to no victory, he would not wake up,
Then the girl quick thinkingly she ran to the herb patch and gazing over each individual herb with the expertise of a master she plucked out a strong-smelling rosemary sprig, she leapt to the prince’s side and waved and wafted the plant over the spa loved face of the prince.
The choking strong smell made the prince splutter and cough from the intoxicating aroma and
Ever so slightly his sea blue eyes fluttered open and the feisty dark-haired beauty looked down.
The prince realised (as well as having his nose partially broken) that the one he truly loved was the girl.
So after that the prince sold all his fine clothes and jewellery in exchange for a Italian restaurant and pizza parlour.
And the girl became world-famous from the
Fabulous concoctions that were cooked up in the kitchen.
And with the huge amount of money she made she bought herself a yacht and sailed around the world with the prince (now promoted to 3rd date boyfriend) and with the extra cash they
Repaid the prince’s plumbing dept and bought cableth for the magic mirror.
So the girl and the prince lived happily ever after.
(but not ever, ever after)


THE END