My misery

It’s been a while since I last wrote, and I think that that’s a good thing because I only write when I’m feeling down so obviously I’m depressed, and I don’t know why actually, maybe it’s because if these damn medications I’ve been taking lately for my skin, or maybe it’s because my life is taking a turn that I’m not really comfortable with.
Anyway, now I’m going to mention a couple of things that has happened to me in these last few weeks which I think are the real reason for my depression and I say “real” because the meds are not the reason for it, I only say that because I’m trying my best to blame it on them but who am I kidding the reason is clear as day and here it is.
To give you a quick update on my life, I now have friends –unbelievable huh?! – But anyways I DO have friends, whom I really love, and my best friend is a guy named Ziad. This guy is the reason for my happiness and to him I’ll always be grateful, but unfortunately he is also the reason for the funk I am in right now. I always thought that Ziad and I are not like any other friends; I mean we used to share every single detail of our fucking lives, and I mean everything, fuck, I even told him my biggest secret and he did also, in fact I’ve always idolized Ziad, and I loved him more than anyone in this whole world, and everyone knew that, yet he didn’t love me as I did, but I was cool with that and it actually never mattered to me because I loved him and no matter what he did I never got angry from him, but unfortunately that changed, and now I don’t think I love him like I used to, but I’m not the reason for that, he is. Lately he’s turned into this untrusting and unloving person, for instance, yesterday he made out with this chick and he lied to my face about it, and I knew that he was lying – he’s not a very good liar BTW – and when I confronted him he said that he didn’t trust me and that he was afraid I was going to tell a couple of girls I know, I mean come on you can trust ne with your biggest fucking secret and you can’t trust me with something like this, that’s now fair is it?
But that is not the reason for my sudden change of heart towards him, in fact, that was the straw that broke the camel's back, lately we’ve been fighting a lot and the reason for all these fucking fights was that he doesn’t trust me or that he thinks I’m this horrible person that is trying to set the world on fire by “tarnishing girl’s reputations” and “making friends fight with each other”, I mean what the fuck is wrong with you, but at this time of ordeal I turn to another friend called Shady, this guy is the sweetest most loving person I’ve ever met and he is so funny, so I always turn to him when I’m fighting with Ziad, he’s a good listener but he doesn’t help much, mainly because he doesn’t want anyone to get angry with him but he’s a good guy and I love him, but he also doesn’t seem to love me like I do.
Clearly, that’s a problem with me, that anyone I love doesn’t love me back as I do, but I don’t fuckin’ care anymore because I think I’m losing my friends and I also think I’m losing my family, and for the first time in my life I don’t give a fuck about what other people think of me, so I’m going to focus on myself and try to be a better person not for them but for me, and while I do this I’m going to keep listening to this fucking gorgeous girl with this fucking tremendous voice Adele.