My life, as it stands today.

This could just be the last thing i ever write, everyday i feel im getting closer and closer to a nothing which frightens me to be perfectly honest with you. I lose everything i have and the only thing im left with is myself. There are so many good things in this life i miss out on, like a good relationship with my family, a good set of trustworthy friends. I just happen to have one thing left, one single thing which gives me hope and gives me reason to be here anymore, and even now i am failing at keeping my grasp on it. Chris. There are so many people out there with lives so much better than mine, so much more beautiful than i am, with so much potential.. yet he stays with me. It may be for comfort? Guilt of leaving me in the state im in? Or maybe... just maybe its love. Well i can hope cant i ? The scars on my arms get deeper with every heartbreak and every loss. Im suprised my blood hasnt drained completely already. My heart is weak now, or experianced to be more correct. Because i know, if i live long enough to see my adult years, heartbreak and hurt will occur so many more times. And im not sure i could handle that. If i had my way, i could just lay down and die with noone to care, noone to notice i was even gone. But its the tiny things in the life which keep me here. Im not even sure who i am anymore. Home doesnt feel like home... i cant seem to find one these days. Chris tries to comfort me, he tries to make me feel special and for that i thank him because without him i wouldnt be writing this now. He wipes away my tears, holds me when im weak and is everything to me. Its when i feel im going to lose him that i lose hope with this world. Because if i cant keep one good thing whats my purpose? why am i here? My life is so boring, so alone and so empty. You cant imagine what its like living everyday not knowing who you really are, with noone to see who cares and nowhere to go without having the feeling if you werent there noone would really notice. For someone of my age i shouldnt feel like this, i should be out enjoying my life to its fullest with my friends and family and boyfriend. I should be disobeying the rules, laughing at parks, parties, family outings instead of this. Sitting around feeling useless and lonely. It cant be good for me. I want to start my life again, and this time do it right. The fear of losing chris is killing me now. But yet i stumble onwards. This is my life, moving along slowly, noone even noticing im here.