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Friday, Jan. 3, 2025

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Sanity is Over-Rated

by The Evil Penguin

Rated: 18+ · Book · Biographical · #1199884

The chronicles of a frustrated writer

Tim is a charismatic and vigorous man who likes to refer to himself in the third person and narrate his own movement and gestures as stage directions. He is a talented and gifted writer with a promising career ahead, as attested to by numerous creditors. Tim is a man of action, a risk taker, who does not blink at drinking milk past its expiration date nor occasionally sleeping with an open window.
Tim was born the son of a poor goat herder in the hills of Northern Phrygia. At the age of 11 he vanquished his mutant sister in a game of hide and seek becoming sole heir to a vast empire of dung hills and the largest earth-friendly landscaping business in the Mediterranean. At the age of twelve while his father was napping he assumed control of his father's empire and led his marauding goats to plunder, pillage, and conquer Greece, Persia, Carthage, the English Highlands, Narnia, and that neighborhood in Beverly Hills where all of those annoying 20 year old teenagers hang out. Rather than just carve a naked swath of razed landscape, Tim the Conqueror, - Tim the Great, or the 'Big T' - built roads, hung telephone lines, and established thousands of McDonalds, Block Buster Videos, and Walmarts. To this day, the people of these violated nations resent him. Tim's plan for global domination was ended early when his Mom called him home for dinner.
At the age of 13 Tim was elected Dhali Lama by a lewd congress of presbyters. During his office he imposed a sur tax on free love, outlawed negative intergers, built a bowling alley, and fought for legislation requiring stricter documentation on transcendental meditation.
Tim has ridden a train. Tim's greatest ambition is to open a bag of Cheetoh's without it exploding yellow cheese dust all over his white, cotten, fluffy pirate shirt. Fan's wishing to send gifts to Tim are asked not to send sharp objects and when visiting, not to step over the yellow line and to never, he repeats NEVER touch the glass. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

twinkledee ♥'s you

Apr 19, 2010 at 12:52am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Wow, that sucks about your job. I'm surprised they can do that. It seems a bit weird... but I assume you signed some sort of contract stating this sort of thing can happen? Like, we can have you work now but we can tell you to bugger off whenever we like. I don't think I'd be too willing to do that. However, come to think of it, I'm almost doing the same thing right now! I've actually been "tentatively" hired for my new job. They are having me for a 10 day trial/probationary period and are paying me properly and everything... yet no job is actually guaranteed. So, I'm hired... but I'm really not.

And YAY for your new job! That worked out really well for you. It's funny how things in life just seem to slot into place sometimes. I'm sure it's happened now for a good reason. Maybe it will turn into a full time position later on down the track?

The Evil Penguin

Apr 12, 2010 at 7:04pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Good question, Twink. By 'tentatively hired' I'm saying that my professional status there is a 'definite maybe.' It's all bureaucracy (which is a difficult word to spell) in the American school system. Someone is occasioned to vacate their position. The immediate supervisor forwards the requisition to fill that vacancy up through several dozen tiers of management until it reaches the one desk who's sole responsibility is to fill that one particular position should it ever be required to be filled. He/she posts the job position on the internet posting whose address can only be acquired by Googling "having sex with extraterrestrial chimpanzees while watching Wheel of Fourtune." NB, "Fourtune" needs to be misspelled thus for this to work. After the above-mentioned supervisor has garnered 50 applications or his horoscope tells him to check the mailbox (whatever comes first), he then sets out to interview the said applicants. Now comes the expedient part. The fifth interviewee he meets with on the third Thursday after the fifth full moon of an odd-numbered year - he hires, or rather 'tentatively' hires pending confirmation at the next board meeting by a coven of albino twitches which takes place at the next Maypole ceremony hosted by a celebrity whose name has the letter 'Q' in it.

twinkledee ♥'s you

Apr 12, 2010 at 7:45am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I think WdC did die a little for awhile, but maybe it's picking up again now. I mean, we're both back aren't we? If that's not reason enough, then I don't know what is!

twinkledee ♥'s you

Apr 12, 2010 at 7:43am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Welcome back!

"Lazy by choice" - that's awesome. I'm sure many people can relate so I won't harass you about it too much.

How do you get tentatively hired? They hire you and then say "but we're really not that sure... but start anyway." Good on you though, sounds like a decent job! Maybe it will last longer than you think.

dragonfly~guess who's back?

Nov 20, 2007 at 12:03pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

that is good motivation! nice job!

dragonfly~guess who's back?

Nov 6, 2007 at 1:24pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Excellent! Congrats on the new car, that is such a fun feeling. I hope you get to keep it without any problems.

You look like you are going to be around regularly now! Glad to see it!!

KimChi

Nov 1, 2007 at 2:41pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Just say you couldn't see with the Dementor mask on!

I get your message. I need more professionalism and less blogging myself, but I'm not ready to be serious about writing yet. I think you have the right attitude, and your discipline will translate into cashola down the road.

GG very happy

Oct 27, 2007 at 1:49am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

You know Tim, you're wasting your money by never coming on here!

Where have you disappeared to this time?

dragonfly~guess who's back?

Oct 4, 2007 at 11:53am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Tim, I heard a rumor you were back--glad to see it's true! I missed you!

Glad you got out of hell all right--I don't even go to Denny's to eat now! It served it's purpose in high school, and in the clubbing days when the clubs would close and that was the only place left open, but not anymore, no thanks!! Waitressing anywhere is fairly bad, though. Ugh. Glad I'm not doing that any more.

Mmmmm, mozzarella...

GG very happy

Oct 2, 2007 at 7:22pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

So you've set your sister straight have you? Were you nice about it?

I must say you're excuses are more than a little flimsy for just dropping off the face of the Earth like you did, but I suppose we'll have to forgive you. Welcome back Tim!

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