Sandy Supposes....

Fear of Forgetting?

PROMPT: The Wildcard Round! What is one of your biggest fears, and how have you conquered it ( or plan on conquering it, should you be faced with it later on)?

         This isn't a fear that has me pacing the floor, wringing my hands, and sobbing. I don't believe it is keeping me awake at night, tossing and turning. It's more of a niggling notion that nudges me once in a while. It's sly and insidious. It whispers. It suggests what-ifs. It is not a fictitious monster hiding under a bed. This beast really does stalk its victims, and steal their lives, bit by precious bit. It wreaks havoc with families.

          I fear the possibility of Alzheimer's. Sure, I've joked that my family is crazy. We share a strange sense of humour. There have been moments when I considered the adage " insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids" to be the gospel truth. Maybe I display an occasional tic, and emit a random high-pitched giggle. Sometimes, my startle reflex is super sensitive. Oh, I have seen and heard things... Seriously though, I wonder if I will lose my memories.

          So, basically my fear is that I will forget myself, and my life. I have witnessed the heartbreak of Alzheimer's firsthand. Its poor souls are reduced to shells of their former selves. They regress to their childhoods. Entire lives are erased. They retain no recall of their experiences as adults, their accomplishments, their triumphs, their joys, their disappointments, their children ,their spouses, their friendships, their extended families, and more. The fallout is devastating.

         My memories are my life. I cannot fathom forgetting them as if they never existed. Imagine my children becoming strangers to me? Inconceivable...

         On a less morbid note, a genealogical journey through my family history has yet to reveal any hint of this disease. Oh, we have weathered the scourge of cancers for instance, but we have kept our wits about us. Maybe my journals will serve as a reminder of me and mine, if I am still able to read, and if I can decipher my scrawl.