Wondering about my Wanderings

Dark Day Ahead

I am on the top of wondering where to go from here. I have been in this position before. The first of the year is here and the threat of being consumed by the big black fog is with me. It was about forty years ago that I combatted my first major depression and it feels heavy with mom and dad gone. It seems like so many others are in their own separate worlds, my kids and family back East seem to be in hiding to the extent I hardly know they exist.

I will get through one day at a time. It kind of sucks to know that the world will never revolve around any one person. Just get used to it( the aura of hardship and wondering who will be there if times get tough)

There is so much that has changed. In my parents generation there was the designated nurturer. My mother fought to be the mother her mother was not. In this day the vast majority of women try to be a great mom and professional at the same time. Most women can do anything men can do and it seems like the men who once lead are being cast into the background to figure out what they are there for.

I opt to understand how this can change in a way that people can know someone cares whether they get paid to do it or not. I think the world is going in the wrong direction. Life has come to mean investment and deciding who and what is worth it. People that struggle are trying to see light in the darkness. Does anyone really care?