Droplets from the Inkwell

Blog Prompt: Personal Growth Is An Accomplishment

From "Blogging Circle of Friends " :

Looking back over the past year, what do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment of the year?

I would have to say that my greatest accomplishment was how I handled the relationship -- and eventually drew it to an end -- with Jose in March/April. That may seem a bit dark to some of my readers, and I understand why they would think. But to me, it underscored exactly how much I had grown when it comes to dating and seeking out what I want in a relationship over the past year or two.

Despite our initial whirlwind of happiness together, Jose and I were pretty much doomed from the get-go. We were in different places in our lives and wanted different things. I wanted to build something special with someone and create something similar. And while Jose might have said he wanted the same thing, he was too distracted by both his fears and the drama he involved himself in so that he could avoid those fears. That's the sort of thing that can kill a relationship pretty fast, and it did. I ended up breaking up with him about a month after we started dating.

I did it pretty smartly though. I started noticing the problems and seeing the big red flags they suggested. Rather than ignoring them as I would have in the past, I paid attention to them. But I also didn't overreact or react too quickly, something else I would have done in the past. I decided to take my time and think about them, and make sure I was really seeing what I was seeing rather than seeing things based on my past. I talked to a couple of good friends, who agreed that yes, they indeed seemed like real problems.

Then, I spent a couple weeks trying to let Jose know there was a problem and that things needed to change. And when I realized that he had no interest in trying to change things, I made my decision. Rather than trying to threaten, bribe, or otherwise manipulate him into changing, I accepted that things were the way they were, I didn't like the way things were, and therefore it was time to exit. So I broke up with him.

Oh, I didn't handle the aftermath as well as I could have, mind you. When I found out that he was saying that he was better off without me and painting me as the villain. I blew up. I said some truly nasty things to him. Hey, I said I'd grown. I never claimed I was done growing. But after a bit, I even let that go. I realized that this was just his way of dealing with the hurt and keeping his drama going. Besides, I also knew that the people who mattered to me could see the truth. I decided that's all that mattered.

So yeah, my greatest accomplishment -- breaking up with someone -- might seem like a bit of a downer. And in some ways, it is. But it's something that I did for my own good. When it comes to relationships, that's something rather new for me.

JarredH

Give me pen and paper and I shall create entire worlds and fill them with adventures.