Journey of Light

Sigh (Oh well).

Last night I went out to a Karaoke bar in the city. It's not really my thing, but every now and then I'll go out and do things just to keep from being antisocial. A friend of mine has get together's at the karaoke place a number of times throughout the year. I don't ever go up and sing, but I go to hangout once in a while, talk with whichever friends show up.

I saw this girl there and thought, she's really pretty. Okay, so I'm a sucker for a pretty face, sue me. Anyway, I decided to be outgoing and strike up a conversation. You know how sometimes you can just sit and talk and the conversation just works. Well that's what happened. I'm sure I was a little rough around the edges with conversation in the beginning, but as the night progressed, we were talking more fluidly. Less breaks in conversations; it was nice, just to sit and talk.

I'm not the type of guy who's all girl crazy. I'm not actively trying to date; if I happen across someone I like, and I'm not being shy (probably too old to be shy after a certain point, but it's hard to break the habit) then I'll see if it can go anywhere. I don't date for the sake of dating in other words.

The point being, as I said, I thought she was really pretty, so I struck up a conversation. And if I can find someone I talk so easily with and I'm having a good time just talking, that's a pretty big deal. Though to my knowledge I've only had one person read one entry of this so-called blog, I will, nonetheless, write is if I have a regular following. So, dear readers, you're probably wondering if I got her number and waiting for me to stop rambling and just say what happened. In case you haven't figured it out by the title, I didn't.

I never got a chance to ask. Well, that's not entirely true. I could have asked at any time, but then I couldn't. Moral quandary you see. At some point during our conversation, I discovered she had a boyfriend. (Yeah... sigh, oh well.) So even if I had asked for a number and been given it, I won't interfere with someone else's relationship. I have to bow out. Sigh indeed.

Either way, I kept the conversation going. Sometimes it's nice to simply talk, even if you know it won't go anywhere, it's still nice. In that situation you can put it in the back of your mind, keep talking as if the potential is there. It worked some of the time. But not so much when she brought up her boyfriend, even showing me pictures of them together on her camera. (Oh well.)

It might be wishful thinking, but I like to think I'd have had a shot if she had been single. Guess I'll never know. I only know her 1st name, so even if I wanted to get in touch I can't. I suppose I could ask a mutual friend what her last name is, but again, not going to chase after a girl who already has a boyfriend. Instead I'll vent in a blog which few, if anyone, are likely to read. If I ran into her again and she was single, I'd probably ask her out and deal with a yes or no response when the time came, but she seemed pretty happy in her relationship, so not likely to happen. Such is life I guess.

And you reader, you'll probably say, plenty of fish in the sea, no reason to dwell. Well maybe I'm picky about my fish. Maybe I don't like cod, maybe I think tuna is okay, but it's not really what I want. I think I need to kill this fish analogy because it's getting odd, but my point is that it's difficult to click with other people. When you see something that could work, when you meet someone that you think would be the right kind of girl (even if they might not think you're the right kind of guy) it's a bit disheartening. I don't meet too many girls that grab my attention like that. And it's even less frequent that I'd still think that this is the right kind of girl after talking to them. Conversation is important, and it's rare indeed that I encounter a girl and I can talk without it feeling forced, where it feels natural.

On the one hand, I feel like an opportunity was lost last night, like I should have tried to pour on the charm and asked for her number, but then, she has a boyfriend, so... the opportunity was never really there to begin with, especially seeing as I'm not the type to try stealing a girl away, even if I thought I could successfully do so. No I won't dwell on this incessantly, that'd be pointless. I'll probably bug me for the next few days and going into labor day weekend. Maybe it'll bug me for a week or two. Who knows (I guess I will). Either way I'll move on. Hopefully the next opportunity that arises will be a real opportunity. Maybe it'll be the same girl, maybe it'll be someone new, maybe it'll be someone I used to know (doubtful on the 1st, even more doubtful on that 3rd one).

Well I suppose that's enough rambling and frustration for one night. Thanks for reading. Hopefully the next blog will be more upbeat or informative. If you're really lucky, maybe I'll actually post a new story or article instead of writing a blog entry.

Thanks again for listening,
Light