Complex Numbers

I'm thinking No.

Whilst out and about today, I happened to get hungry when I was near a sandwich shop I hadn't visited before, so I went in to check it out.

It's about 3 pm, so the place was, to quote Leonard Cohen, dead as Heaven on a Saturday night.

Took me a while to figure out what I wanted, but the tiny, cute, young woman behind the counter didn't seem to mind. It wasn't like there were customers behind me. Or anywhere in the deli, for that matter. I should have taken this as a sign, but I just figured it's mid-afternoon when normal people have already eaten lunch and aren't yet ready for dinner. (Me? I was ordering breakfast.)

So I settle on a roast beef croissant sammich, Doritos and a soda. Or "pop" if you're from the North or "Coke" if you're from the South. Anyway, she puts in my order and says, "Can I get your phone number?"

I blink.

"No," was my automatic response.

She laughs. I got the idea a lot of people refuse. I mean, it's a fucking sandwich shop. What are they going to do, call you and tell you if they discover botulism or salmonella? Hey, guess what, by the time you call me, I'll know.

The sammich, by the way, was soggy; the croissant was rubbery like it'd been microwaved; the Doritos were stale; and the drink was watered-down.

But of course, after I placed my order, I thought of several better things I should have said to the "Can I get your phone number" question:

1. "You're too young for me."

2. "You're too old for me."

3. "Can I get yours?"

4. "Can I get your clothes off?"

That's the advantage of writing, you know. You can take your time to come up with a sufficiently witty, snarky and/or inappropriate response to idiotic questions. In person, what do I do? Freeze up and say, "No."

Anyway, feel free to comment and tell me what I should have said.