In the Darkness

All I Need is Trust

She'd thought the ride to the motel was the longest, more fearful thing she had done, until she found herself sitting in her motel room with the man she'd once loved, once thought she'd have a family with, ready to spill her guts to, at least the ones she could remember.

Finally, she looked up at him and sighed. "Why do you think I left?" Her voice was soft.

He looked at his hands for a moment before looking at her. "I don't know. I still don't. I've wanted to be angry with you because you didn't say anything to me. I knew something happened to you, but you wouldn't share, you wouldn't say anything. I'm angry now because for so long I stayed, hoping you'd come back and then when I'd lost hope of that, you came back."

"I'm really sorry for leaving without saying why." She was quiet for a moment, trying to think of the words. "It would've been so hard for me to try and explain to you and why, then. I'd been so scared. Never been so scared in my life. I was afraid I'd stay because of you and staying was the last thing I wanted to do."

Pain filled his face. "Why didn't you trust me?"

"It wasn't about trust, Derek. It was about my life, your life. I felt I was saving you if I left. Saving myself."

He looked at her and she couldn't keep his gaze, she looked down at her hands. They were still shaking and her heart filled with such a deep sadness with a touch of fear, she wasn't sure she could do this. She wasn't brave, just scared. Was always so so scared.

"What happened to you?"

She clenched her eyes shut and stood up. Running a hand quickly through her hair, giving her hand something to do besides shake, she walked to the one of two windows in her motel room. "I don't remember precisely, now. I think I've unconsciously blocked it from my memory. I've spent so much time over the last, nearly, ten years trying not to remember it. I was trying to think, listen to me, about it on my drive back. The only thing I've experienced so far is I nearly had a horror-filled anxiety attack when I got to the Welcome sign.

"All I do remember is the place was dark. I remember a lot of voices." Her voice hitched and she closed her eyes.

There was a gasp from Derek and she turned to face him. "Did...did they rape you?" Fear was evident in his voice, hoping she'd say no.

"God no, but I think what happened was worse than that, if it's possible."

"What could be worse?"

She looked back out the window, focusing on the trees across the street, looking past them, past all of the buildings. "Like I said, I don't...remember exactly." She swallowed, her throat was so dry. "I've come back to try and remember and find out what happened. I need to know what it was and why and take what I find out to the police."

His face scrunched up as he looked at her. "How are you supposed to come by that information?"

"I only remember one solid piece of information. The location of where it happened." She turned to face him, finally and officially and walked over to where he stood. "It's the library."

"The..library?" His face showed confusion and she knew this was a lot for him to take in, even though she technically didn't give him anything specific. It was all vague, just like it was in her mind.

"Yes, in the basement. It was dark there. Very, very dark. It's mostly what I remember, with exception of some light, like from a fire. Though I couldn't believe they'd light a fire in the basement of the library." She ran a hand through her hair and narrowed her eyes at him when she saw his mind working. "I'm doing this alone, Derek. I can't involve you in this."

"I'm involved in this. Whatever happened, whatever is going on here, I want to help figure out what it was just as much as you do. They took you away from me, kept you away from me and for that, they're going to pay."

Ellie was quiet for a moment. "I never believed you'd feel this way. Millions of times I held this conversation in my mind and every time you always turned your back on me and I always felt I deserved that."

"I just wish you'd included me so you didn't do this yourself. You shouldn't have done this alone."

And just like that, she began to feel awkward. The feeling in the room changed and she began to feel uncomfortable, wondering what she should say or do or feel. It began to feel intimate and it had been a very very long time since she'd shared anything intimate with anybody.

Her eyes filled and Derek wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him and she rested her head on her shoulder and sobbed. Ten years of anguish and fear came out with those tears, shaking her body. She clung to him, feeling the warmth of his body against the cold clammy feel of her own. The weight of having to do all of this seemed to dissipate and she felt better for telling him.

When she stopped crying, she stayed where she was. "I'm sorry for that." She murmured. "It hit a chord."

"Don't be sorry, Ellie. I'm here with you. You aren't doing this alone. We'll figure this out. I don't know what's in store for us, but I'm not going to let you go down memory lane without me. I don't know what boogeymen lay behind those doors."

She sighed and lifted her head to look at him. His kind gray eyes looked back at her. There was strength and determination in them. Putting on a soft smile, she backed away and sat down in a chair. Her stomach growled and she made a face. "I forgot I was hungry."

"When did you last eat?" Derek reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone and began to dial.

"About four this morning before I left. I had toast with peanut butter on it and a glass of milk." She mumbled at the end, looking at her watch at the same time Derek did and watching him roll his eyes as he began to speak into the phone. It was nearly dinner time. The day had flown by so fast. "What are you doing?"

When he got off the phone, he looked at her. "I ordered us some Chinese." He waited a moment, then added, "You still like Chinese, right?"

She smirked and nodded. "Thank you. I never expected this. I know I said it already, but I didn't. It's...comforting to know I have someone here."

"You can trust me, Ellie. Okay? I'm not going to let you do this alone."

As they waited for the food, she was glad she'd come back. If nothing else, she'd mended the rift between her and Derek. If they only remained friends, she would be happy. She'd missed him, she realized. She'd forced herself to put him out of her mind, because it had often hurt to think of him. It was nice to not feel so alone. Ellie was grateful to have him there, just knowing he was there with her, on her side. She wasn't sure what paths this adventure would take.