Army of Humans and Monsters-The Book

Chapter 11

After sleeping for the rest of the day, Jenkins woke up and felt his stomach leading him to the mess hall.

“Hey Uniter,” said Tiny’s loud, and somewhat booming, voice. “I didn’t see you for lunch. I heard that you were baptized with one of Bloody Teeth’s explosions or something.”

“I don’t really recall,” Jenkins said, as he picked up a plate, and started looking around, and found that, besides Tiny and himself, there was no one in the room.

“They’re in the briefing room if you are wondering,” Tiny said. “Most of the time, the recruits start to wake up the day after being put under the dream spell.”

“What about you? How did you join up?” Jenkins asked, as he began loading his plate up.

“Well Uniter, to be honest, after culinary school, I tried to open my own restaurant, but I didn’t have the money to keep it running, as there are not many vegetarian giants around here, and instead of serving those that were given to me as cooking supplies, I ended up hiring them. Well, one day, Bloody Teeth, as most people seem to call her, showed up, and asked me to make a simple sandwich, with no people being part of it. Well, while I never learned about the reason the she was in the giant section of town, she brightened my hopes up, and the next day, I closed the place down, and me and my helpers came here and we’ve been working here ever since then, for the six years at any rate. Isn’t that right guys?” (Tiny)

With that, a mixture of “yep”s, “sure”s, and “best job I’ve ever had”s and other similar things are heard from up above.

“How many people you got helping you up there?” Jenkins asked.

“To be honest,” Tiny said. “I don’t know. I think I have at least fifty helpers that rotate with a pervious group of fifty every two hours or so. After all, it does get a little warm up here and I don’t want my help to wear them selves out with being overworked. Besides, while I am strong enough to put things like cattle and oxen in the oven, it is a little hard for me to pick up plates and dishes for people of your stature on my own.”

“So, why is it that you care for people like me, you know, humans?” (Jenkins)

“Well, I’m a bit of an outcast.” (Tiny)

“Why would you say that?” (Jenkins)


(The following is Tiny speaking)
“I got three eyes, those are the reason why. Father was a human looking giant, and mother was a Cyclops of a similar height. Their parent’s hated the idea of their children marrying, so they moved, and got married. They had me a year or so later. Well, throughout school, elementary, middle, and high, people would say things like, ‘look at the three-eyed freak’ or, ‘can you close your middle eye, or you side ones, so that you look normal’ or ‘can you even close your middle eye’, and other such things. Well one day, some of the older neighborhood kids were flinging pebbles at something, and I managed to scare them off, by saying that my third eye grants me special powers over other giants, like turning them into the size of insects, or something. When I looked at what it was that they had been bothering, I saw something that had a similar shape as me, but smaller, with two eyes, and female as well. Well, I knew that those bigger kids wouldn’t be gone long when they would realize that I had told them a huge fib, so I picked the little thing up and ran home. Well, my parents were vegetarians, so I had never seen a human before. When my parents told me what it was, they told me that her parents would miss her, if I kept her. Of course, seeing how it was late at night, before she woke up, because she had fainted when she had seen me, it was decided that we would take her home in the morning. Well, before she went to sleep, on the desk by my bed, I told her that, if she was ever in trouble, and if I was there, that I would help her out. Of course, I was eight, and she was seven, at the time, and it was, I guess, something of a pinky swear, you know, a child’s promise between another, and to call me Tiny, because that was my nickname at the time. Well, almost ten years later, I was in the school cafeteria, eating the lunch that my mom had packed me, things like cattle, oxen, sheep, goats, that sort of stuff, as my parents had taught me to not take life needlessly, in fact they told me to, basically, steal any sentient being that the other students brought in for their lunch, if I was able to do so, when I smelled a vaguely familiar scent, and heard someone scream ‘Help me Tiny!’ Now, I’ll be honest, I had forgotten about her, somewhat, but no one could forget someone like me, well not completely anyways. However, when I saw her about to be dropped down the throat of the school’s biggest star athlete, it all came back to me, and I rushed over and saved her, by breaking the guy’s jaw. Well, he was pissed, especially since I was holding onto what was supposed to be his lunch. So, as I was checking to make sure that the girl, who was now a young woman, was alright, I saw, out of the corner of my third eye, that he was coming for me. Well, I was never one for fighting, but I drove my fist into his face, and caused his head to snap back, and cracked one of his neck vertebras, paralyzing him from the neck down. Needless to say, no one ever called me ‘Three Eyes’ after that. Heck, the various coaches wanted me to join their sports teams, but my heart was already set on becoming a chef, and cooking for others like me, well, vegetarians anyways, even if none of them were giants.”

“So, what happened to the young woman? Do you ever see her?” (Jenkins)

(Once again, Tiny is speaking)
“Oh we keep in touch. She lives in the city near Fort Splittooth. Nice place I tell you, been there before. It is a very safe place for a human to live, thanks to a no-predation law that the place has. It may not be a one hundred percent guarantee, in protecting humans from being eaten, but, unless someone wants to pay higher taxes, to replace the ones that the human would have paid, it does a good job at keeping them safe from being eaten. Rape though, well, there is someone there that prevents a good deal of it, a size-changing giant-werewolf hybrid, named John Wolfstone. Nice guy to, I met him by chance when I was visiting my friend, the woman, because she rents a house on his property. He likes to talk about philosophy a lot though, though he is one hell of a cook, almost puts my cooking to shame. Then again, if I had over a thousand relatives, because I had visited my friend when the guy was having a family reunion, or some such thing, I’d have to be an amazing chef to make all of them happy myself. Of course, the amazing thing is, while this guy could turn into a one hundred foot tall werewolf, he prefers to be a seven and a half foot tall human. However, don’t let that apparently weak form fool you buddy, when he found out that I was a professional chef, he asked me if I wanted to help cook for his family and I told him that I’d be delighted to do so. He told me that I’d have to wrestle with him first, and he promised that he wouldn’t change his form in any way. Well, when I said that it would be an unfair match, he just gave a cocky grin, as if to say, ‘I know that.’ Now, I had picked up a few fighting moves from watching the recruits, and I had practiced with the other giants on the base, but this guy, he was fast, and by, basically, punching several of the pressure points on my body, he had, literally, brought me to my knees, before he said, with an understandable look on his face, ‘Not a bad match, but I best stop before I strain my leg too much,’ because his leg had been broken some months before then, and it had only recently healed up. I tell you this though; I think that, even though he was only in his human form, if his leg was fully healed up, he would have beaten me. However, to my surprise, he did let me help him cook for his family. It was while we were cooking that he told me about himself, like why he was a vegetarian, his previous dream of being a professional chef, and what caused him to not fulfill that dream, the lose of his girlfriend, the reason that he became a teacher, and what it was that he was doing then. Then, he introduced me to his then pregnant wife, nice woman by the way, didn’t stare at me like I was some freak like most people do, along with everyone else there, considering that John was even weirder than I was, met his step-daughter, and her uncle, a dark wizard, nice guy, don’t make him angry though, his wife, a shape-shifter, trust me, she’s good, turned herself into a female version of me, very attractive actually, too bad I can’t find a giant woman with three eyes myself, they tend to be a little creped out when they see me, especially when they see me cooking with my help instead of cooking them. Anyways, here’s something that you won’t believe, the guy also introduced me to Stevenlongchangenry, The High and Mighty Prince of Hell and Demons, himself. I mean, the chaplain talks about him every so often, like how he tries to make fair deals with others when they call for his help, how he has a human for a wife, and a few other things, but it is not often that one gets to meet up with someone of royal blood, as well as cook for them. In fact, after he tried some of my cooking, the guy said that if my soul gets sent to Hell, when I die, to look him up, because he might have an opening for me. Now, while I don’t plan on going there when I die, I think that he meant it to be a compliment when he said it.”

At this, he chuckled.

Then he said, “Well, I’ve got another hour before I have to shut the Mess Hall down for the night, and get things ready for tomorrow. Just remember, Mess Hall is open from five in the morning to midnight, though we do make some exceptions for those who are nocturnal, if they let us know ahead of time, so if you ever need a bite to eat, or want to talk to someone that isn’t talking to you in military jargon, just come on in, preferable when you are not being drilled on something. Trust me on that the Commander is one scary guy when he is upset.”

“So, what is he like?” Jenkins asked; as he sat down to eat his late supper.

“Well, where to begin. The man’s a career officer, been in the armed forces at least thirty years, has a wife, four children, six grandkids, with a seventh on the way, unless it was already born, in which case it’s seven, everyone on base respects him, including me and my helpers, he’s a very good chess player, as he is the only one who can beat Lieutenant Colonel Seventails at it. As for what he looks like, well, you will have to meet him for yourself, although I will say that he has already seen you. From what it was that I could hear him say to the Lieutenant Colonel, I think he said that you could, somehow, end up becoming a general, due to your leadership abilities. Of course, that’s just his guess, as you may or may not want to be in the military for that long. Now, tomorrow Uniter, I may be unable to chat with you one on one. That is because I’d have to feed, at least, two to three hundred other recruits, who will be very hungry after sleeping for at least a day, including seventeen giants. Man, you’d think they hadn’t eaten for weeks from the way those kids will pig out on the food.” (Tiny)

“Um, Tiny, given how you can’t fit in here yourself, how will seventeen other giants fit into this room?” Jenkins asked, with a bit of concern in his voice.

“Easy really,” Tiny said. “The part of the base those less than six or so times your size is like if there was a mouse, or rat, colony in your house, for those of my stature. Given the size variations amongst giants themselves, the military tries to make sure that the smaller soldiers, people close to your height or so, are not stepped on too often, especially on purpose, by building two barracks in one, with the smaller one being part of the larger one. To be honest, about the only times you’ll really see those of my height, or so, is when you are outside on the grounds. I’d advise you to be careful though, not every recruit has the same level of control as the officers over their various urges. Also, given how you were the first one killed, as it were, and the fact that they won’t recognize you anyways, unless they were human, including those with magic in them, they may find themselves very confused as to who you, and the others, are. So, for the first few days, until they get used to how things are actually run here, watch your step.”

“Thanks for the advice Tiny.” (Jenkins)

“No problem, Uniter.” (Tiny)

“Now, why is it that it seems that Wolfblood, and now you, seem to like to call me that?” (Jenkins)

“Get used to it; everyone on base has a nickname. Besides, you are of The Uniter’s blood anyways, so don’t be too surprised if the offices treat you like you are some sort of celebrity. It’s actually quite rare that the Uniter is seen by any one, or even leaves the place that he died. That blown-up forest is considered sacred ground to the military, and on the anniversary of his death, the recruits that pass muster are taken there, so that they learn of him, and his sacrifice. Well, I hope that you make it through the training. The military could use a man of your leadership capabilities.” (Tiny)