Enga mellom fjella

Thaw and freeze... and a bottle of whine.

Thaw and freeze

Like ice I kept it all to myself
allowed no one entry to my realm
to sully the mat at my door.

Yet, I let them in,
led some to my inner sanctum,
to know my melting core.

Trust flowed both ways
yet when they left they took trust with them,
left me bereft and alone.

I fled to grieve where no one knew me,
where I could freeze
...to thaw once more
revealing a solitary block of stone.

© Kåre Enga [166.154] 2009-07-22

No I'm not depressed. But, yes, this describes how I've felt at various stages of my life and therefore falls into the category of 'therapy' rather than poetry. Putting up barriers, not being able to sustain them (one starves inside them), being hurt when defenses are let down. Yep. My life's story. And the story of many others here as well.

I have deep issues concerning trust.

Blah-blah-blah: I had 5 pieces of sushi last night. Wasn't hungry. Haven't had an appetite all July. If I were eating well, like I did in Costa Rica, this would be no problem. The afternoon heat is bothering me and it hasn't even hit 100 yet. I'm back to sleeping in late as a Montana morning is cool.

Whine: I have a writer's group today and I'm not motivated as I'm not prepared yet. It's a potluck... which sounds great... except I only cook for myself and cooking anything in a third floor walk-up with no air-conditioning on a day expected to hit 96 is not my idea of fun. I'll call Kate or Hobie or someone and figure out how to empty this bottle of whine.

Blogville: Zach asked me why I wanted to go to Mongolia:

Mongolia has large areas of grasslands and 'emptiness'. There are times I crave that large landscape. If I liked water I could imagine myself in a dingy floating on a large bay of the ocean. There is a special place where the land/sea meets the sky. An in-between place past the far focal point, a realm of magic.

Montana: 70° at 10 a.m. in Missoula.

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