I'm Studying You

Fa ra ra ra ra...

Happy holidays and whatnot Studyees, and what is up? I hope you all have had a fun experience or two over the Festivus season. Here's what's been up at The Library as of late; consider this the loathed "Family Newsletter in lieu of a card", since my purchase of stamps bearing my Santafied face has yet to arrive (and enjoy your New Years' cards, loyal and waiting Stoggers)...

My aunt decided not to have her usual Christmas Eve shindig this year. Do I lament the loss of another familial tradition, or do I wonder if Pop Diesel's malfarious infractions with the law have something to DWI? (Do With It)

[Sidenote: Dad wanted to make plans this weekend, but curiously said he couldn't drive. I had to cancel because I didn't realize I had plans that involved gainful employment and wouldn't be able to pick him up. Hmmm. His accident didn't cause him to lose the trait of leaving out a detail or two, or .15.]

J and I exchanged gifts after she got out of work Christmas Day. Damn to hell all of you who are so unprepared on the day some folks' Lord and Savior is born that you force a stupid pharmacy to open its doors for business just so you can get that last-minute Chia Pet or some other device nobody wants, instead of giving everyone a day off from the world. How thoughtless! 2008 was a leap year, so you had a full 365 days+ to get your shit together and be on time with things, as well as stock up on necessities. Geez, even most gas stations were closed yesterday! Not that that deterred folks from driving, but that's not the point...if you ain't ready for the big day, screw you- you lose.

[Sidenote: I wrote this, so it absolves me from the fact my cards have yet to be completed and sent out. And yes, much to my own chagrin, I included the word "completed". Put that in your corncob pipe and smoke it.]

After the fact, when the holidays are over, don't tell me about what might have been.

I had all my bounty for J stashed at my place, except for the one item I could not find. J wanted a Frank Sinatra cd sold only at Target, so I ditched her on the 23rd and beelined to the closest one at 10:30pm my time, only to find that they had none. Luckily, J's sis called Xmas eve morning from her closest Target while I was making the boys some breakfast, and I was able to convince her to knock down all in her merry way to get the last copy of that cd for me. Diesel on her.

We decided (since I had one gift for her on my person) to exchange one gift that night, so I gave her the cd. Of course she loved it, and my gift was also a cd. I had given her some options, and she went with "Alone 2" by Rivers Cuomo. Not bad.

When we exchanged the rest of our gifts, she said I spoiled her. Among the spoilage was a Buffalo Bills jersey of #51 Paul Poszluzny, her favorite. She adores it. And him. And me, for tolerating her every time the anouncers call his name.

On the way to work this morning, as we pull into the mall parking lot, she tells me "I ran out of money, but I was gonna get you a #23 Marshawn Lynch jersey. How funny would that have been had we bought each other a cd AND a jersey?"

[Sidenote: I was not keeping score about presents. It's not my thing. She did get me a sweet TWLOHA hoodie (ask me about that some time). But I hooked her up strong. Ladies who love J-Lo's Miami Glow, and Marilyn Monroe, and those stupid orange chocolate balls that you get to smash, say "Yeah!" Thought so.]

Since my family's implosion last January (an anniversary I am still not mentally capable of celebrating) and my newfound adoration for love, my holiday was a little out-of-whack. Eschewing what was left of traditions, J and I ordered Chinese take-out, exchanged gifts and took turns passing out in each others' arms on the couch instead of going to El Presidente DMFM's dad's for holiday cheer. I had been teetering between hoarseness and stuffiness throatily for a few days, and J got over being sick in time to get sick again. I sweated out most of it last night; today she still feels like shit. Yay. Or something.

[Sidenote: I found out last January that my dad and stepmom were splitting up after like 25 years of marriage, on the night I thought I was going to give my first-ever live reading of my works. But that fell through, I haven't found a place to make a reading happen for me, and, well, now Pop Diesel's gone done what he did. Awesome, or something.]

Black Friday 2!!! That was the warning on the news last night. The good news is that today wasn't so bad. The potential bad news is that it started out ugly. My manager and I both got in at 8am and we marked down calendars at both the store and our calendar kiosk to 50% off. We opened at 9. Apparently, that wasn't good enough for one cheapskate bitch who called the kiosk (and nobody calls the kiosk) not once, but twice. Another area mall opened at 8 today (poor bastards) and our store there didn't have the random calendar she wanted, so she called us on her cell in the store. Making ridiculous demands. Calling me "uncooperative". Because we're not open yet. I don't go to McDonalds and tell you how to make fries. I don't go to Vicky S and tell you how to look sexy. I don't watch a football game expecting my favorite team's quarterback to complete every pass. At least when I'm set up, then I can talk to you, and try to search for your random shit... until you decide to light me up unnecessarily. And the ask for "the boss". Who tells you no, he isn't the boss, and for the third time tells you what I've told you, and no we aren't holding your lame-ass calendar, and sorry you've been looking all over for it but we've had it for four months now, but you want it today because it's now 50% off? Are you fucking serious? A temporary store with all-clearance items holding items? Man, if I smoked that kinda crack, I prolly wouldn't need to work and/or should stand to get abused by cheapskates. Unbelievable.

So there it is, friends of The Library. And just so I'm not late to the party, Happy New Year y'all. Now if you'll excuse me, I must take myself out of my comfort zone and get my Jess and have another night of sickness on the couch, no roast duck necessary. Goodnight now!