Julia

Chapter Nine

Julia walked quietly into Eric's room and shut the door. It was not as cold in here, but she still wished she had thought to bring a blanket.

The room was pitch black and Julia could barely see a thing. Only a stray beam of moonlight dared to peak in through the curtains and stream in onto the floor. It was just enough to reveal a chair next to the bed and table. She moved to it and sat down next to Eric‘s bed. She could hear him breathing and could barely make out the shape of his sleeping form in the bed. Poor Eric. How bad were his injuries? How long would it take for him to recover? Julia hoped it would not be long. She wanted to be able to move on and just put all this behind her. As Julia continued to sit there and think, she realized there was an extra blanket on Eric's bed. She picked it up carefully so as not to wake him up, and wrapped herself up in it before sitting back down in the chair. The fire in the fireplace had dwindled to a bunch of glowing coals. No wonder it was so cold and she could not see anything. She moved over and picked up a couple of logs that were lying next to it, then added them to the glowing lumps. After a bit of soft blowing, the logs caught fire and began to burn. The room would warm up in no time at all.

Julia returned to Eric’s side. As she concentrated on him, she realized that almost all of his visible body was covered in bandages. Only part of his face was not covered in bandages, and the one arm that was not under the quilts was wrapped from fingertips to his shoulder. It only made Julia fully realize how badly he had been hurt. She began to softly cry, not wanting to wake up Martha. Oh Eric! Don’t leave me here! You have to help me with the horses. You are my first true friend. Oh please don’t leave me! She continued to silently plead with him to hang on, to stay alive. Slowly, the sun began to come up. As it did, Julia could hear Martha get up and begin to do the house chores. She did not even attempt to get up and go back to her room. Seeing Eric only strengthened her resolve that Martha just could not stay. They could get through this without her.

When the woman came in the room she was dismayed to see Julia sitting there in Eric’s room, instead of being in bed where she thought she should be.

“My dear! What on earth are you doing in here? You are going to catch your death of cold in here, and you still are not well! Now come on honey, let’s go put you back to bed.” She softly began to tug on Julia’s arm in an attempt to lead her back to her room but Julia resisted firmly.

“No” She said softly. “I am doing fine and I don’t need to go back to bed.” The resolve in her voice was unmistakable and Julia simply continued sitting just where she was. Martha was astounded. “I really appreciate all you have done for us, but I would like to be able to begin getting back to normal. I am feeling well enough to take care of the two of us. After a while I will even be able to take care of the horses again as well.” Martha just stood back and looked at Julia for a moment, a look of utter dismay on her face.

It was then that Martha realized all Julia had said was true. She really had healed quickly from the minor injuries she had received and Martha had simply been too preoccupied with playing the part of nursemaid, that she had simply skipped over the fact that Julia was, in fact, getting better. Martha also realized that Julia was true a fighter and survivor, and that she should not have confined her so much. Healing would never have been an issue for her. Martha sighed a simple defeat and retreated from the room to gather her things so she could leave.

Julia sat a moment longer. From the light coming through the window, she could not only see that nearly all of Eric’s face was covered in bandages but that only one eye was left peeking out from under the white wraps. She had previously thought that most of he damage had been to his body, but now she saw just how untrue that was. The scene made her heart ache bitterly. After a bit, she went into her own room to dress and prepare to take over the chores of the house.

When she was dressed, she went out into the kitchen. Martha was already packed and was simply putting the final this or that in it‘s place before she left. She must have brought very little with her, thought Julia. For a moment she almost felt guilty for sending this woman away who had done nothing for her but drop her life and help her when she needed it most. It was not that she was ungrateful, she just knew it was time to try and get back to life. She had healed very well and no longer needed Martha’s help. She also did not want to feel that this tragedy was getting the better of her.

“I really do appreciate all you have done for us.” Julia said quietly as she stood there looking at Martha. “I don’t want you to feel as if I am ungrateful. I just need to be able to get on with life.”

As Martha looked into Julia’s eyes, she knew she meant it and she smiled. “It was nothing really dear. I just felt like I really needed to help and I was really the only one who could spare to leave work for any period of time.” She smiled again sweetly, as if to assure that her feelings were not hurt.

“I will be sending you compensation for your time. You just need to tell me how much you lost being here all this time.” When Julia paused and Martha did not respond, she continued. “Please, it is really the least I can do to thank you.”

“Oh, no need to thank me dear. I am just glad that I could help you.” Julia looked at her inquisitively, as if to assure whether or not she meant it. “Truly honey, I’m fine.” The two stood there a moment longer, and then Martha turned and showed herself out the door. Julia watched her walk down the path toward town.

She sighed. She was glad Martha was gone, but was also aware that she would miss the company. But she had been alone most of her life and company was not anything she could not live without. She had to admit though, it had been nice for a while.

Julia went to her room to gather the things she would need to take a bath and change the few bandages she still had on. Her burns would still take a while to heal, but she knew of a medicine that Martha did not, and that would help speed up the healing process just a little bit more. She hoped it would also help bring Eric out of his deep sleep. She just could not lose him! Stop thinking about this! You aren’t going to lose him! Julia chided herself and set her mind to only think about helping Eric get better, not about whether or not she was going to lose him.

As Julia heated the water for her bath, she began to strip off the bandages on her arms. She had not really examined her wounds yet, since Martha had insisted on doing the changing for her. What she saw under the wraps astounded her. The wounds were much worse than she originally thought. Oh well. It did not matter. She would heal just as well; it would only take a little longer than she thought before. The scars would not be pretty though. But the medicine would help with that too, evenif it would not make them go away fully.

Julia took her bath quickly and then changed into clean clothing. She decided not to put more bandages on just yet so the wounds could breathe for a bit.

Julia looked around, taking inventory on what needed to be done. She surveyed the kitchen and front room with a simply scanning motion of her eyes. Martha seemed to have kept things very tidy even though she had had two patients to look after. The only thing that seemed to need doing was the few dishes she had used for her breakfast. Julia did them quickly then went to tend to Eric.

She entered his room with a basin of warm water and fresh bandages. The fire in his room was still healthy; it gave off a comforting warmth that was like being snuggled under a bunch of quilts at just the right cozy temperature. She was sure it was a good temperature to keep the room for Eric’s healing.

She stood next to the bed and looked at his sleeping form for a moment. He looked like a helpless little boy to her and it made her heart break to see such a strong man so sick. “What am I going to do with you Eric?” She said aloud. “You realize you are more of a burden than a help like this don’t you?” She tried to laugh, but the only noise that came out of her throat was hollow and empty. Eric did not respond. Julia giggled slightly, this time with more enthusiasm. What a male thing to do. Act like you don’t hear me! Julia giggled again in an effort to keep herself in a lighthearted mood and began to undress Eric’s wounds.

She started with his chest. Once the strips of cloth were off, she took a long moment to survey his condition. He had deep, fading, purple bruises all over where the pink and red of his burns was not evident. Maybe it is a good thing he is asleep and can’t feel this.

When Julia finished, she washed all the bandages, both hers and Eric’s. Taking care of him had taken a slight toll on her still weak body. She ate a bit of the cold broth Martha had left on the stove, then sat down to rest for a bit.

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It was nearly nightfall when Julia finally went outside to collect all the things she would need to make the medicine. She walked through the frigid air making fog streams with her breath. She went to the river searching hard for just the right plants as she went. Each time she found one, she would bend down, take only the part of the plant she needed, then continue on. The sun sank quickly, and Julia had to return to the cabin with only the stars to light her way. She quickly left the river, walking briskly. The bushes rattled and the air quickly got colder. There were no sounds of night animals; they must all be in warmer places. Julia felt alone and vulnerable and immediately thought back to the night when she had been attacked. She knew that if anything attacked her now she would be too weak to defend herself.

As she walked through the field and came nearer to the house she heard a rustling in the dry grass. She froze dead in her tracks, listening hard to see if it was only her imagination. There it was again! Julia sucked in a startled breath, the night air burning her lungs as she did so. As she did, the sound stopped. “Who is there?” Julia demanded, trying her best to sound brave. Her voice came out only as a mere whisper. The sound continued toward her.

Not waiting to find out what it was, Julia began to run as fast as her legs would carry her back tot he house. The sound gave chase, gaining on her through the tall grass. Julia bounded up the steps and onto the porch. She barely managed to open the door, when a huge body of fur leapt on top of her, knocking her over. Julia screamed and went down, trying frantically to get out from under her attacker, plant leaves, roots, stems and berries went everywhere as the basket rolled out of her reach. She could feel it’s warm breath and hear it panting as she rolled onto her back trying to push the creature off of her as she did so. But when she managed to get herself up, it began licking her face and neck. What was going on? Julia realized the animal was whining. She managed to push the bundle of fur away from her long enough to get a look at her attacker. “Jason!” Julia cried out with joy, realizing her “attacker” was nothing more than the mangy dog who had saved her from the burglar. She laughed with relief and pushed the dog off of her, then got up and went inside the door with Jason close on her heels.

“So, you missed me that much did you? Just thought you would invite yourself over huh? You know, your master might miss you and then blame me when he finds you over here. Did you ever think of that?” Julia could not help but laugh as Jason simply strode over to the fireplace and made himself cozy on the floor, seemingly as if to say he did not care. Julia laughed again thankful for the dog’s comforting presence. “All right, you can stay,” she said, as if she really had a choice in the matter. She knew even if she tried to or even wanted to get rid of the dog, he would only do what he did the first night he was there, howl at the door until she let him in.

Julia began to pick up the fallen plants so that she could make the medicine. When she had them all gathered together, she got the other things she needed from the cupboards and proceeded to the table to mix it all together. As she did so, she noted once again, how awful it smelled. Ever since she had learned of this paste she had never been able to get used to the smell. Not that she had not had to use it often, she used it more often than she cared to admit sometimes, but never had she been able to accustom herself to the stench. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes the things that taste and smell the worst often work the best.

When she was done she put the mixture in a jar with a lid and proceeded to cook some more broth. Maybe she would be able to make Eric drink some of it. She knew he needed every ounce of nutrition he could get. Healing was no easy process; she knew from experience that it often took more energy than a full day’s work. Without nourishment, he would waste away and that would leave him with even less strength than before.

When the broth was finally warm enough, Julia spooned some of the steaming nourishment into a bowl and took it to Eric. As she entered his room she remembered that she had not put more logs on the fire before she went to gather the plants she needed to make the medicine. His room was now much cooler than she wanted it to be. Quickly she set down the broth she was holding and set more wood on the fire. She blew on the coals to make it catch quicker, then proceeded to lift Eric to a better sitting position, propping pillows behind his back to hold him there. “Eric,” she prodded gently trying to get a response from him. He did not even acknowledge her presence. “Eric, you have to eat something. Here,” she said as she lifted the spoon to his lips. “I have some nice warm broth for you.” Eric stirred only slightly, then cracked his lips open. Julia spooned a bit of the liquid into his mouth. Most of it either pooled in his mouth or spilled onto the quilt. But what did stay in, he somehow managed to swallow. “Good! Now have some more.” Julia was not sure whether or not he hear her at all, but she continued on, putting just enough into Eric’s mouth so that this time, less would be wasted. He had not eaten anything the previous two times she had tried to get him to eat that day, but now she felt better knowing that he was finally able to get some of it down.

Slowly she kept on, feeding him as long as he would swallow what she put in his mouth. She continued to talk to him as she did so, telling him how Martha had taken care of them, how the horses were doing, and about a couple of ducks she saw still at the river. She guessed that it was still just warm enough for them to be there, but that they would probably leave soon for the southern territories where they could find food in the still warm climates.

As she talked, Jason came padding in. He sat at the foot of the bed and whined at Eric. “See? Jason wants you to be better soon too. I think he would rather go out with you to work the horses than he would me.” She laughed as Jason let out a quiet bark as if to agree with her statement. Eric finished nearly all of the broth. Julia let him down softly and laid the extra pillows next to the bed so she would have easy access to them when she needed them again.

Julia spent the rest of the evening sitting in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames and pondering her life. She thought of all that had happened since she came to The Valley; the good things as well as the bad. As she did she drifted off to sleep and did not wake up again until the next morning.

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Time went by with little improvement from Eric. Although he was eating more and his burns were healing quicker than Julia had ever expected, he never seemed to be entirely alert. Whenever Julia talked to him, he responded slightly, but she was never sure if her was truly hearing her.

Julia went about the ranch doing what she could or what had to be done, but leaving the rest until she was stronger. After a little while, she even began letting the horses run a bit. One day, as Julia was changing the bandages on Eric's left arm, he stirred and opened his eyes. Ho looked up at Julia.

“Sssh.” she cooed with a smile. It was the first time he had fully opened his eyes and Julia could tell just by looking into them that he was truly alert. “It’s ok. Your wounds are nearly healed. The horses are all right and you should be back on your feet in no time.” She answered his questions even before he could ask them. She finished with his arm as he tried to rasp out something. “Now now, don’t try to speak. You have been lying there for quite sometime and you are still weak. I will get you some soup and water. Does that sound good?” Eric nodded his head almost imperceptibly. “Good,” said Julia. “I will be right back.” She went into the kitchen, heated some soup and filled a glass with water. Then she took it into Eric’s room and helped him eat it. When he had eaten all he could manage, she helped him lay back down.

“Thank you,” he croaked.

Julia just smiled at him. “You’re welcome.” She replied. Then she left to let him have some more rest. As a few more days went by, Eric got increasingly better and better under Julia’s care. With the help of her medicine, what would normally have taken three times as long to heal was nearly better. It seemed, only Eric’s strength had yet to come back fully. As she began to clear away the soup bowl one day, Julia marveled at his recovery process. When she first began to take care of him, she was not sure he would make it, but now she knew he would be all right. He was eating more and getting stronger every day. Julia turned to leave the room, but Eric grabbed her arm, wincing slightly as he did.

“Please,” he croaked. “Stay.”

“What is it?” She asked as she sat on the edge of his bed.

“You saved me. I have not thanked you for all you have done.”

Julia sighed and smiled. When he had first stopped her, her first instinct was that something was wrong, but if this was all that it was, she had no need to worry. “I don’t want a raise or anything for it, I simply did what I needed to. I could not just let you die! You run this place, not me, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.” He let out a small cough and winced. Julia gave him a sip of water. Eric just lay there with his eyes closed. Julia wondered momentarily if he had gone back to sleep. Just as she was about to leave he opened his eyes and looked at her. She was not quite sure what the look on his face meant. He just stared into her eyes, as if seeing them for the first time and wondering at some unknown secrets that lay hidden there. His stare made her uncomfortable and she turned her eyes away. Eric reached up and put a hand to her cheek, slowly turning it toward him so he could see into her eyes again.

“I did not realize until now,” he paused.

“I’ll get you some more water.” Julia scrambled for the glass even though it was still half full. She needed anything to give her an excuse to get away. Why was he looking at her like that?

“Julia,” Eric called as she got up to leave. Julia turned around. “I love you.” He whispered.

Julia simply stood there, too stunned to even move for a moment. Then, she quickly left the room. Instead of going to the kitchen for more water, she set the glass down on the table and went out into the chilly afternoon air. The sun was just beginning to set over the mountains; a blaze of colors filling the sky. But Julia did not even notice. She set a quick pace, walking toward the river. Her pace quickened to a slow jog, then into a full-blown run. She sped toward the water and the shelter of the dried reeds that could hide her from the world whenever she needed solitude. She tore through the brush like a raging animal, down the small trail she had worn to her secret spot. Branches slapped her face and clung to her hair. At any other time, she would have gone through the semi-dense shrubbery more carefully, but now, all she could think about was getting away from the ranch. These rushes and trees had hid her when she most needed to be gone, she only hoped they could hide her from the pain and trouble she felt brewing in her heart.

As she neared the bank, she saw a couple of squirrels dart away from her sound but she did not care about them. She found a spot and sat down, staring into the water.

The sun reflecting into the rippling stream made the colors shown in the sky even more brilliant in the water than they were in the air. The water showed only the colors on the surface, but somehow the depth of the water gave depth and life to what was real life. Julia sat there and wished that somehow the river would reflect her own life and that somehow she would be able to see the depth and clarity of her life that she saw of the sun set. Then she would know what to do, how to act, how to feel.
What did she feel? She was not even sure anymore. She used to be so sure of herself when she was on her own. She answered to herself and no other. No one toyed with her emotions; no one even got close enough to try. But this one time, she let down her guard, and now she was paying for it with every ounce of sanity she possessed.

What was happening to her? She simply could not comprehend that he loved her, it was truly impossible. However, the question was, did she love him? The answer frightened her, for the more she thought about the answer, the more she could not deny what was really going on in her heart. “NO!” She shouted into the growing darkness. Love was weak and it made a person weak. She had lived her whole life fighting love, knowing the cruelty of life that stripped all those you loved away from you. She had seen people die of love. That was why she traveled alone, why she had sworn to never settle in one place. The only thing that could keep you alive was to keep running because at least while you were running, love had to run to catch up with you.

But now she had broken that vow. She had broken it and it had nearly killed another human being. No, it had nearly killed three; Eric, herself, and of course the intruder who was now dead. Not that that was entirely a bad thing -the fact that he was dead- nor was it her fault. The man was bad and it was her experience that those with evil intentions always got what they deserved in the end. He simply got his because of her. But Eric’s mishap was her fault. She could not be sure why, but she knew it had to be. It was always her fault.

The more Julia thought, the more she knew what she had to do. She had to leave Eric; not immediately, but just as soon as he was well. This love, no these feelings, had to be stopped. She would leave the Valley, go into the mountains, and continue to live the way she had lived most of her life, alone.