Trina's Journal/Blog

Friends with Money

Days since Layoff: 2 months
Emotions: Pretty fed up and feeling demoralized
Daily Activities: Cleaning, reading, facebook, signing permission forms, cooking supper, getting out of the house to maintain sanity and then realizing I have no where to go so I come back home.

It's a fact, no one in this world is happier with wealth. It sure makes life a little easier, but it does not bring ultimate happiness. As I sit here very frustrated with my life as it is now, I realize that it isn't the money that I'm concerned about, it's simply because my self esteem has taken a nose dive and I may be on the brink of making a very big decision. Do we sell the house and ride out the economic storm or do we ride the wave and hope for the best? The house is just a house, but a home is a different feeling. The children grew up here and we all have developed some great friendships. Can we remain in this neighbourhood? I moved most of my life and I realize now that true long lasting friendships are amazing to view through the eyes of my children. I have never been one to scope the home's section of the newspaper looking for something better....I'm quite happy in my 1100 square foot house, because it is my home.

Sure, it would be awesome to find a job right now that will allow me the luxury of not thinking about our finances, but I'm afraid the job is going to have to be something of substance for my bruised ego. This is the longest that I've ever went without a job. I have come to realize that being a stay at home mom is a job with huge rewards but also with huge responsibility. Your family appears to be messier and just expects you to be the cleaner. Your family expects more from you; mind, body and soul. As well, your family is gone all day and they prefer to stay home at night while you are just dying to get out to do anything to get an ounce of sanity. I say Kudo's to stay at home moms! You have by far the hardest job mentally whether you can afford to be home or not!

What I miss the most about not participating in the working world is the adult conversation about business. I love to communicate my ideas and thoughts. It's really not the money, it's the innovation a person feels when contributing their thoughts to a group of individuals who are ultimately interested in what you think. It's a confidence booster and a great feeling of comraderie. The money is gravy...

Happiness truly comes from within. The more money we make, the more we spend...but the more love we give, the more love we receive. I know my family is having a horrible time as I am very down lately. I'm normally the person to bring everyone up; their cheerleader. This is just another downfall of being a SAH mom, the motivation does not get reciprocated. I have noticed that most people view these mom's as having the "Good Life". They are at home eating bon bons and watching television. Tell me.. how much television can you watch before you go insane? How much cleaning can you do before you're ready to throw the rag out the window? I love seeing what my friends are doing on Facebook, but really this is getting lame! How would you feel if your communication consisted of a clearly spoken, high pitched voice that you forget about when speaking to adults? Everyone needs a pat on the back or a feeling of belonging no matter what they are doing in life.

At the end of the day, it's happiness and self esteem that makes us the human beings that we are. Yes, money makes life easier but it means nothing to those who lack the other two components. I find that many end up reverting from their "true" self to someone who is desperatly trying to boost their confidence by putting on an act in order to impress people. Some believe that their money will encourage people to like them more. If you've seen a person's true self, it's just a turn off not a turn on.

I believe that's when a new low is reached. I'm not there yet.We love those around us, hence, we will make the best of it. If we lose the love for ourselves, it's very tough to move forward with a smile.