Grandma's Pearls

Feeling stuck

Have you ever had one of those days where you just know things aren't going to happen the way that you want them to happen? I have been having one of those days for a few days now. It just feels like I am not going to be able to move back to Texas anytime soon and it is driving me crazy!!!!! I live in the most backwards, hateful place that I know of right now. When I first moved here, it was a nice change from Houston. But, after living here for the past 15 years, it isn't such a nice place anymore. I'm talking about Jackson, Mississippi. I'm sure that almost everyone has heard about the mayor, he made national news for many months. That is only the political side of this place. On the personal side, it sucks! After you have been here for a while, the racial tension will drive you nuts. You have to monitor everything that you say, but, only if you are white. I know, that is a terrible thing to say, but it is the truth. This place will make you racist. I never was before we moved here. I mean, I have a half-brother that is half black and one that is half indian. They are my brothers and I love them with all my heart. But, after living here, you find yourself thinking things that never would have entered your mind in a million years.

There are people here that keep racism alive and kicking, without a thought of what it is doing to the morale of the people that live here. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the KKK is fully operational here. Yes, that is a harsh statement, but, this state makes you think those kinds of things on a daily basis. You can't go to the store without seeing someone that hates white people and they aren't afraid to say so. They let thier kids run rampant through the stores and if they run into you, don't say anything to them because you will be accused of being a racist. There is one cashier at a grocery store down the street from the house and she is blatantly racist. If she doesn't feel like letting you go through her line, she will say she is closed. When you go to the next line, she is miraculously open again because a black person needs to be checked out. I have experienced that more than once and it really ticks me off, but, I can't say anything because I am white. Most of the racism is from the black people here and it is directed towards the white people. That really sucks royally too. I say that for two reasons. The first reason is because I have never treated anyone like I am better than them. I have many friends that are black and 1 brother that has a black father(sperm donor). His biological father never had anything to do with him until he was grown. My dad raised him and gave him his name at birth, even though he wasn't his biological child. So, he has been my brother since he was born! My sons have many friends that are black and one of them has a best friend that is mixed. He is a great kid and in college right now. When I win the lottery and he finishes school, he is going to be my accountant.

The second reason, this state is making me have racist thoughts and I HATE IT!!!!! I haven't done anything to anyone to deserve to be treated like I was a slave owner. I am nice and polite to everyone that I talk to and everyone that I see during the course of an average day. I have never had slaves, maids or anything that might be confused with the stereo typical racism of the past. So, why do I have to put up with being treated like I did something wrong because of the color of the skin that I was born with? If I had a little more native american indian blood gong through my veins, I wouldn't be as white as I am. Would that make a difference to some of these people? Would I look acceptable to them then? It is driving me crazy and I want to go home! Atleast there, you don't have to put up with the looks from people like you do here. Anyway, that's enough for now. I have ranted long enough and I am sure this blog entry will make a lot of people very mad. For that I am sorry, but it is how I feel and I can't change that at this time.