Too purty to live in town.....

6/7/07

Hi everyone! A big THANK YOU and a boatload of hugs to all who responded, and sent good wishes my way. I'm doing much better now. I'm coming to terms with what may lie ahead of me medically. Yes, I was shocked. No, I didn't expect it. However it is what it is and I will deal with it the same way that I've dealt with every other challenge that has come my way.

First, I took time to process the situation. I allowed myself to cry, to cuss and be angry, to be in denial, to bargain, and to finally allow acceptance to come. Simply put, I gave myself a mental health time-out.

Second, is to formulate a plan. Plans are my security. I don't like surprises or unexpected occurrances. Sure, this life does have a way of doing that to all of us from time to time, but that's what makes planning so important. Isn't that why we have health insurance, 401K, living wills and life insurance policies?

Having a plan in place for the unexpected sure makes dealing with the unexpected much more tolerable. No, a person can plan for everything, and trying to think of every hypothetical "what if" doesn't create peace, but induces anxiety and paranoia. Everything in moderation, nothing in excess.

So, I decided to start making a list in order to make my plan.
What decisions do I have to make now?
When will I be faced with making decisions in the future?
What will I need to do now to prepare?
What will I need to do in the future to prepare and when do I need to do it?
What are my resources?

I realized that I don't need to make any big decisions now. I informed my family and those that I love so that they can begin now to pray and to offer encouragement and support.

If I do have to have another surgery, I'd prefer to put it off until November or December if possible. That would give me additional time to save up some sick time. What I can do now, is begin working a little extra here and there to build up some comp time. I'm coming in to work at 7:30, taking 30 minute lunches and working until 5:30. That earns me an additional 1.5 hours per day. I can do this for the month of June because Joe's with his dad. I'll have to wait and see how much extra time I can acrue in July. That's about all I can do now.

Next, is to have my appointment with the 2nd opinion doc.
I want to hear what he says. If he agrees that I need an additional surgery, I can find out what kind of urgency we are looking at to get this done. If they take the graft from my hip, will it be inpatient or outpatient? I'd much prefer it to be outpatient.

After that, would be to plan for the surgery.
Set the date
Arrange child care, help for Joe
Arrange help for me, transportation, cooking, cleaning, etc.
Plan financially to be out of work.
Plan work load to be out of work.

Even though I still have more questions than I have answers right now, just having the steps outlined in making this plan gives me great comfort. It doesn't all have to be done in one day. I can do what I need to do today, and let tomorrow worry about itself for right now. I'm whispering the Serenity Prayer when I need to in order to help keep me focused and not get distracted by the "what if's".

So, that's how I'm doing. When ya really think about it, I'm not doing too badly at all. Sure, I have some challenges, but I'm facing them and I'm not scared. I'm taking care of me, and doing what I need to do. I've got more than enough on my plate to say grace over, but I also have many many reasons to be thankful. This won't defeat me. I may get knocked down on occasion, but I'm not gonna stay there. Give me a chance to catch my breath and regroup, and I'll be back up to fight another day. Watch me, you'll see.

My quote for today is: The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing!!!

Thanks for stopping by,
Curls