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Getting into the Holiday Mood

"Awwww Christmas time. The bestest holiday of the entire year." Miguel Sanchez thought to himself as he gazed out the doorway of his little one room cardboard and plastic tarpaulin home. He enjoyed seeing the smiles on the faces of his sixteen children but felt sad nevertheless as they daydreamed about all the presents they'd never get.

"I'm daydreaming about finding a Tickle Me Elmo under the tree on Christmas morning." Giggled little Margarita.

"I'm daydreaming about finding a Special Edition Tickle Me Elmo under the tree on Christmas morning." Taunted tiny Miguel Junior.

"I'm daydreaming about us seeing a Christmas tree for the first time." Moaned little, tiny, wee Bjorn Sanchez.

"Poppa!" Cried little Margarita. "Tell Miguel Junior to daydream about something else. I was daydreaming about Tickle Me Elmo first."

"Was not,"

"Was to."

"Now now little bambinos. Remember it's Christmas. There's plenty of daydreams for everyone. Bjorn! Don't eat that. That's a monkey turd." Miguel Sanchez shouted as he grabbed the monkey turd from out of little, tiny, wee Bjorn's mouth.

"Damn monkeys. Shoo. Go loiter somewhere else. Somewhere less Christmassy. You're spoiling the holiday mood." Grumbled Miguel Sanchez as he was suddenly pelted with monkey turds from the boisterous monkeys sitting atop his humble home. (Everybody in the village had monkey stories to tell)

Just then gunshots rang out from the surrounding hills.

"Damn rebels. Go fight somewhere else for a change. We're trying to ejoy Christmas down here!" Shouted Miguel Sanchez.

From the surrounding hills came, "Did you mean to say enjoy instead of ejoy?"

"Yes. Yes I did. Ejoy was a typo. Sorry about that."

"Is quite okay. We often make spelling errors too." Shouted the rebels as they then peppered the little village with bullets.

"Get down children!" Cried Miguel. "If you have to shoot us, shoot at the monkeys too. Shoot at the monkeys too."

BANG BANG BANG BANG

"You're not even trying to hit the monkeys are you?" Shouted a frustrated Miguel.

After a few minutes and several hundred bullets later, the rebels resumed fighting with the government forces and left the little monkey infested village alone.

"Barak Bin!" Hissed the old withered village hag at Miguel Sanchez from her cardboard and plastic tarpaulin house next door.

"Errr...thank you old withered village hag but it's not my birthday." Replied a puzzled Miguel.

"No. Not Barak Bun. I said Barak Bin." Hissed the old woman.

(Barak Bun translates as Happy Birthday while Barak Bin is an everlasting curse placed on your head, as well as your children's children's children's head. The Barak Bun/Barak Bin mixup often ruined many village toddler's birthday parties)

"Forever curse me and my children's children's children? Why would you want to do that old withered village hag? Why would you want to put a damper on the Sanchez's Christmas cheer?"

"Before you came to this village we were never bothered by rebels, monkeys or roaming gangs of missonaries." The old woman hissed, pointing to the surrounding hills, all the monkeys and the roaming gangs of missionaries.

"We were simple backward villagers. We never worried about getting hit with bullets or monkey turds or concerned ourselves with missionaries. Now just look at all the different denominations of missionaries there are around here. All squabbling amongst themselves over who's converted the most villagers. We're sick of it. Why don't you take your family and your strange ways and go far, far away."

"She's right." Said Miguel Sanchez as his wife and sixteen little ones huddled round him for a group hug. "The old withered village hag is right. We shouldn't focus on petty stuff like monkey turds and curses. We must focus on the happiness that is Christmas."

"No, no, no." Hissed the old woman. "That's not what I said at all. I said you should all go far, far away."

"Come on kids. I think I know an old withered village hag that could use a group hug." Said Miguel Sanchez with a great big goofy smile on his face.

The little village continued to be plagued by rebels, monkeys and missionaries in the years to come, but the Sanchez family never forgot the old woman's kind words and vowed to stop complaining and make the most out of life.

"No, no, no, no, no! That's not what I said. I put a curse on the stupid bastard and his family. I never said anything about making the most out of life. That's soooooooo not me."























And the little village and everyone in it lived happily ever after.

"No, no, NO! I don't want to live happily ever after. I want to complain and curse and throw monkey turds. I want to do all the things that old withered village hags do."























And the little village and everyone in it, except the old woman, lived happily ever after.

"No, no, no. You still don't get it. I don't want any rebels, monkeys, missionaries or Sanchezs in my village."






















And the little village and everyone in it, except the old woman who suddenly died, lived happily ever after.

The end.

Merry Christmas everyone

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