Orion's Testicle

Chapter 23 - Failure's Fortune

Maximllian Millwonder stood, legs spread and arms akimbo, urinating into the ships toilet. He was smiling as he looked at the mirror in front of him
That was a fun prank.
And it was. Maximllian was very good at pranking.
The only thing he was really any good that.
Since there was nothing else he was really good at, and therefore something he wouldn’t enjoy, he decided to play another prank.
A different one, this time, of course.
I know, He thought.
‘I know…oh, such a good one Max. But do the teleporters still work? I vaguely remember being very drunk and forcing a watermelon into each…
It’s worth a shot. Who should I pick? Actually, I’ve done loads on the humans. Let’s pick some aliens.
Brilliant! I bet there’s plenty of aliens on earth I could annoy.’




It must be understood for this chapter, that no matter how strong willed someone is, no matter how ‘hard’ they seem…each and everyone of us has our breaking points. This was Anna’s.
She was crying on the side of the stage.
Patrick noticed this. Surprisingly he went over to her, and sat next to her. He softly put his hands around her shoulders. And looked her in the eye.
Then, with all the sincerity of an angel, and the care of a grandfather, he uttered softly:
“My underwear…it’s full of yoghurt.”
Anna burst out laughing through her tears. She then did something she never did. She looked at Patrick and smiled.
“You know….you’ve always been there for me.”
Patrick smiled for about half a second, as if just to be polite, and then his face went stern, and he spoke very orderly.
“I’m serious. I need a sponge.”
Anna had stopped crying. She just stared blankly at him.
“Oh.”
She was just about to gather her senses and move swiftly away from Patrick as if he had the plague, but this was interrupted by the entire stage being teleported with the taste of blue and a fizz and a bang and a whirl.
A sheep’s bleat could be heard, as well.














Maximllian laughed.
Haha! Got them. Well, that was fun. What next?
He thought for a moment. He supposed, after some deliberation that he should at least explain to the poor people what was going on. He wasn’t the sort of guy, he was sure, that would just leave people in the dark after a prank.
He moved over to the intercom, but discovered with small surprise that it had had a banana shoved into it.
I really must keep myself from fruit when drunk.
Ah, no matter. Walker would sort it, the good lad. Walker always sorted it.
He set off to the projection room. Where he had the gang teleported to.






Anna felt like she’d been beset upon by a thousand squirrels on crack. Teleportation was such a weird thing, like being frenziedly nibbled away, without feeling anything but numbness but then put back together, as if she were pieces of a jigsaw being sledge hammered into place.
She was surprised to discover everyone was with her, but it seemed that they’d been there a while, since Patrick was cooking toast on the mysterious glow on the instruments.
Whalley was there, but looked very rough, as if the teleportation wasn’t meant for him, and he now sported a beard, which he found rather weird.
Anna assumed something incredibly strange was going on, which was very much like assuming when someone goes to the exit door they mean to leave the building.

In the corner of a room, the speaker boomed.
“Ah, Er- Yeah, that…that’s done it. Good Lad, yes. Thank you Walker….er, have some…stickers.”
The voice cleared it’s throat. It was perfectly clear beforehand, so Anna just assumed whoever was about to speak had something important to say.
“Yes, I’ve just played a prank on you guys. Sorry, just felt like a good old gag, y’know?” he said in a casual, suave manner. His voice was like a secret agent who regularly has too much scotch. “Yes, well. I’ll put some er…pants on and I’ll… be right with you to explain.”
The intercom flicked off, then on again.
“Oh, and the name’s Max Millwonder. It’s a pleasure. Your Pleasure.”
The intercom flicked off.
A door opened into the room the gang where in and he strode through, wearing some simply preposterous trousers.
“Wow. You got in quick.” Em said.
“Believe me, sex legs, I get to the bedroom quicker.” he winked, then laughed.
“But don’ worry. I’m a pranker, not a wanker.”
The gang were pretty much mesmerized. He was an impressive guy.
“Oh. Tad thing, I’m on the run at the moment, from these crazy people. Mooned their planet. Positioned exactly like a testicle, I couldn’t resist.”
He spent but a single moment to take in his surroundings, and noticed the instruments.
He looked at them in an intense quizzical manner, the look which might be used when a man drinks heavily one night and wakes up to find a hippo in bed with him.
“Holy Whelk in the cosmos, what’s with those gee-tars?”
“Well, you caught us in a pickle. We were about to perform to that planet. Whalley says it’s necessary.” Megan explained. “but you’re imagery just fizzled out our stupid way.”
“You’re not married are you?” Em blurted out.
Everyone glanced at Em, who rolled her eyes. They switched their gaze back at Max.
“Geez, Guys, I didn’ mean to interrupt.” He said.
“But what’s with the glow?”
“We don’t know. Patrick did something.”
“I am an awesome painter.” Patrick stated, nodding, almost to himself.
Max shrugged then smiled.
“I’d be more then happy to warm it up for you cats again though. On one condition.”
He smiled.
“What’s that?”
“That you merely do a prank whilst doing it.
I want you do to it, ‘in the nick’.” he laughed. “Oh, and I won’t be looking, don’t think me a perve. Just think it’d be hilarious.”
“We’re not going nude!” everyone yelled back at him.
“Well, that’s the condition.”
Everyone looked downwards and contemplated it.
“Actually, thinkin’ back on myself, that’s a bit harsh. I tell you what, I’ll have Walker censor everything. No-one’ll see a thing, and I’ll let you cover up. With amusing items. I think I have watermelons for the girls and canoes for the boys.” he grinned. “But as I say, it’ll be censored.”
Anna thought about it. The answer became clear.
“I’m gonna do it. Bare it all, for rock and roll!” she said, smiling, mischievously.
“I’m not missing Anna nude without being nude myself. Let’s go!” Scottle said.
Meg and Em shrugged.
“What the hell!” Megan said, and agreed.
“Well, I’ll do it too, if it’ll save the world.” Whalley smiled.
“I’ll do it then, as long as it’s censored.” Em said.
Just one left. Patrick.
The gang erupted in chorus.
“PATRICK, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED ALREADY??”
Patrick shrugged.
“I don’t know.” he said, in a confused manner. “I was like this before he even suggested it.”