A Misconnected Journey Anywhere by ME

Countdown to Mortgage Heaven

Well, 3 days from now I'll be a home owner. A single mom, sole bread winner, scared to death home owner

I've been preparing but I keep waking up in the middle of the night, thoughts swirling through my head, heart racing practically thumping through my chest. I know what owning a home is like with a spouse but by myself...well...this is taxing my co-dependence to no end

Quitting smoking was the right move though. It has been three weeks now. Yeah, I still have bad days but at this stage of the game, there is no way I'm starting again. I know if I ever go back I'll never quit again. I have too many grandbabies to look forward to for that! But most importantly, by quitting this costly habit, I've created the vacuum I need for 1)belief in my ability to accomplish these payments and 2)belief in a longer life in which to enjoy my new home.

I cannot tell you what hope and joy there is in my soul (underneath the immediate fear). I have been floundering for the past 2 years after leaving my second husband. His over-reaction to our dog was enough for me. No one in their right mind wants to shoot a dog for doing it's business(ok the "where" of his business was inappropriate but come on)I digress. The point is, believing in yourself is tough when you are finally aware that you have to do it by yourself. Having a significant other lulls you into a false sense of contentment that when snatched away, (much like someone yanking the covers off while you sleep so comfortably)leaves you vulnerable. Courage is essential and an ability to keep going.

And so I keep going...on and on...until I .......hah, you thought I'd say die huh? Not me. I'm a Taurus, we never say die