Warmness of the Soul

the little white and black bunny

I am known by alot of people for my long hair and tattoos. However I had specific reasons for each tattoo that I got whether its just something that fit my personality or an actual very personal meaning. Now I love body art, tattoos, piercings if I had any, etc.. I will never recommend to anyone though to just go and get a tattoo. It's not like a fake one you can buy out of a machine. They dont come off, ever.. well they can but they leave a scar and it costs twice as much money if not alot more to get them surgically (lazer) removed and hurts alot more too. So yes, it's best to just wait till you are 100 percent sure that you want one.

I didnt get them to be cool. In some form I did however get them to stand out in my own weird way. My first one I got on my 18th birthday and to my parents knowledge I just liked them so that's why I wanted to get one. They've told me after each time I've gotten one to stop and that was it. Yes they can tell me that only cause I live in their house even though I pay rent to live here. I had always been friends with the "darker" crowd of teens or whoever my own age and usually older. Gothic, punk, emo, w/e you might want to call any of us. Now I've been through alot of shit.. mental, emotional (girls, personal, etc..), physical..

Cutting was never something I had ever wanted to do or attempt to start. I can see how it would cause distraction from thoughts or memories but it wouldnt last. I started and continue to keep getting tattoos as more of a way to imprint them on me therefore getting rid of the memories and just having a permanent picture as a reminder for more or less, story telling.. Alot of teh time, or for a few of them it was more for being able to let go finally..

I have one more tattoo I need to get before i can finally let go of some of the things that have been bothering me all the time, affecting my thoughts, dreams, actions even at times. I wasnt ready to give up or let go of them until now. Well I have been for awhile and because of April. She's helped me to let go of alot of things and has given me way more trust and love than I deserve.

I've had a horrible time with girls in the past, and I've "been with" a good few.. I've only had 3 actual relationships out of all the girls ive dated.. none of them were very... wanting to be remembered but yet have controlled alot of how i deal with things in present times. I'm tired of thinking about them and everything else. I'm tired of teh memories.. and its far time to finally let go permanently..

The one tattoo I've wanted to get that I've held off on is more or less to symbolize the death of the relationships, the thoughts, etc.. 3 nicely done skulls (more artistic, realistic type) with 3 roses rapped through/around them.. not sure where I'll get it at but once I have the extra money to do it I will.

A lesson for everyone.. Everyone has memories, dreams, thoughts, a past life, and various other things they want to forget or get rid of. Everyone has their own way of doing so. Sometimes you just have to let go regardless of whether you are ready or not. Find a way to let go, to just get rid of everyting and be free of all the shit because I will tell you now, it never helps to make yourself suffer longer than you should or need to or deserve. Please.. do it for me. Theres enough of just me in the world.. no others are needed..