Orion's Testicle

Chapter 14 - Understanding Oneselves

Chapter 14 Understanding One's selves

Scottle was sulking in Enflaming Joes, supping another Effeco. Meanwhile, his mind was racing.
"Okay, I did not sleep well last night. at all. Alexia's out as well, and I really need to see her again. Things are going pretty crap at the moment. Life sucks."
"So do girls, in a wholly different and more fun way. You know what, seeing some girls right now would be pretty fun.
Let's go to a strip club."
"No, NO! I'm going to see Alexia. I have to speak with her, Even if she hasn't got a clue what I'm saying because she's a toddler."
"Fine, furry muff, if she's as hot as you make out, it sounds fun enough."
Scottle hated this other half he had. All it wanted to do was go out, meet girls and have a jolly good time of itself, whereas he'd like to get to work, write music and fight for his stand in life. His other half didn't understand Scottle, for exactly the same reasons.
He paid the waiter and left no tip, and hurried out to the aquarium, where her parents said she'd be.
Strangely, on the phone it sounded in such a way that Scottle could almost have been sure they were dunking for apples, but he let the thought slip. If he wanted things to work between Alexia, he'd best make well with her parents.
He stepped out onto the cold street, and it began to rain. The usually bright and neat houses of Orion II turned into darkened cubes. Things weren't going well.
As he walked he couldn't stop thinking of Alexia. He already had fallen in love in love with her, ever since he saw her that first time at the float boarding sea. She was so much an individual; he could recognise her in a crowd of billions. He reminded himself to ask about Alexia's band when he got there, and when she became older again.
He looked up miserably, and bolted with surprise.
A golf cart with a teenage mermaid duct taped horizontally to the side sped past him, almost knocking him over. It stopped for a moment, raised voices emanated from the inside, and then reversed. As it came closer he was delighted to see it was Alexia driving, with Patrick and Meg in the back. The mermaid in the back turned out to be none other then Em, whom Scottle gave a puzzled look.
"Long story not needing to tell. Get in the cart." She said.
Scottle obeyed, and sat next to Patrick. They sped off.
He looked at Alexia.
"Hey, I know you're like, five at the moment, but I just wanted to say-"
Alexia kissed him passionately.
"Don't say anything."
"ALEXIA, YOU'RE DRIVING! WATCH THE ROAD!" Meg yelled.
"Oh crap yes!" Alexia jerked in her seat, and narrowly avoided a rather surprised looking pensioner.
"So you're back to normal?" Scottle asked.
"Yes...oh, wait, was I a jerk to you before now?"
"Er; you hid behind Meg when I tried to kiss you." Scottle. "But its okay, you can owe me them."
"Anyways, I don't mean to be impolite, but why the hell are you here?" Patrick scorched.
"i came looking for Alexia, because I love her."
Alexia felt so happy her entire body relaxed. Doing this gave away control of the vehicle, and the golf cart ran over a tortoise. Why there was a tortoise in the middle of a city road is beyond all science and logic.
This particular tortoise, however, was a lot different to other tortoises, in the respect that it had a degree in astrophysics. It was also very angry that it's shell now incorporated a huge tire burn on it, and that it had been winded quite severely just by crossing the road. That same tortoise took up a vow that day, to find the people who ran it over, go round their houses with a golf stick and ask for a friendly game of golf.
Alexia looked back.
"Sorry everyone, that was my fault, ran over a brick or something."
"Can we stop now? My house is just round the corner."
"Yes, I can see the sense in that."
And so our adventurous group of teenagers dismounted from their stolen golf cart, and set off for Em's house.
They weren't in, as they were out at a Parent's not Being Home When Most Convenient Convention.
Em was very thankful, her parent's still didn't know about her being a mermaid for a day, and she hoped they would never know.
They sped into the basement, whereupon Meg saw the extent of Em's room and the size of bath she had.
"Hey, you told me you just had a shower."
Em paused. She hadn't thought about that.
"Well, i didn't want you to be jealous."
"It's okay; I'm content with what I have at home, even if it isn't a swimming pool like yours." Meg replied with a smile.
She had suddenly got to like Em.
There are certain activities and circumstances in life which will invariably cause the participants to become friends, and rescuing someone from a cuttlefish tank of the local aquarium is an example of these.
"Great, I'm glad you didn't get angry." She smiled.
There are certain experiences in life that can leave a person positively elated, and being duct taped to the side of a speeding golf cart is one of them.
"But how do we turn me back?"
Alexia thought about this.
"What were you thinking when you sang?" she asked.
"Erm, I was thinking about water, really, and how the day went by."
"Right, well I've got a plan. But we'll need something really dry, so dry, it is as if no living creature has ever sweated in its confines. Patrick, your jeans please." Alexia said.
"But-"
"No 'Buts'." Alexia stated.
Patrick took of his genes with a moan.
"Em, slip your tail into one of these legs, then sing Cuttlefish again." She stated.
Em did so.
Nothing.
"Damn, that did bog all."
"Erm, well....you wanted to do something last time. now we want to reverse it. Try singing the letters backwards." Patrick said sagely.
Patrick's pant-less state had triggered an electrical surge in the confines of his brain, causing him to have a sudden bout of intellect and wisdom.
Em did so.
In a flash of light and a popping sound, Em's legs appeared inside the jeans, and the tail was gone.
"Hurrah!" Everyone cried.
Em looked under her jeans.
"Er, guys, not a complete success. I've no underwear on and my legs are hairy."
"I'm afraid I'll need proof you've no underwear." Patrick said. Em wearing his pants had made him very horny.
Alexia slapped Patrick. Alexia slapping Patrick made him very quiet.
"Well, at least you're back to normal. And, if it's okay with you guys, I think we should call it a day."
"Yeah, I agree, I need to shave my legs and get in bed for when my parents get back."
"Alexia, can I walk you home?"
Alexia gleamed.
"Of course you can, honey."
"What about me?" said Scottle.
"Huh? Oh, sorry Scottle, I thought Patrick was you. You can walk me home. Patrick, sod off."
Scottle smiled, as Patrick made a rude hand gesture in Alexia's direction.
"I'm off then!" Said Patrick, walking to door. He turned back at the door.
"Goodnight!" he shouted, and was gone. About ten seconds later he came out of the cellar, gave the group angry look and left the building, shouting something about sense of direction