Orion's Testicle

Chapter 8 - Cafe Calamity

Chapter 8- Café Calamity

They walked along the street, past the usual, grey, dull offices and banks until they came to an almost entirely brass building, full of customers drinking a wild assortment of drinks and beverages.
This was the famous café/restaurant of Flaming Joes, home to many famous home made beverages such as the Smog Bottle, which is so extremely potent it has received the government classification as being a conventional weapon. Then there is the Ice Mice, which is merely chilled water with a rodent dipped in inconspicuously before serving. The most common drink was Effeco, which was to all extents coffee, bar slightly weaker and with less variety.
From the outside, our group of teenagers could see a suspicious looking cauldron bubbling in a corner of the kitchen. Inside this suspicious looking cauldron was an even more suspicious looking liquid, possessing the most suspiciously suspicious power in their entire world.
Inside, the jet black liquid cooled and stopped bubbling. It was picked up and taken out of view.
A waiter came to the door. Unfortunately for him, he failed to realise that the door was closed and was knocked unconscious. A second waiter walked through the door. The door wasn't opened, since this waiter was a hologram.
"Yes? Can I help you?" she, if that term can be applied to a trick of the light, asked.
"We're just here for a round of drinks." Alexia said.
"As you wish, come right through. Watch out for the waiter." She said politely, and then the image disappeared.
Alexia, Meg and Em trudged in.
The interior was terribly modern, with some parts looking more like a student nightclub then a family restaurant. Modern style…no style at all Alexia thought as she walked in. Alexia had always made her own style. Today, she was wearing silver jeans beset with a homemade and handmade black belt. On her meaty protrusions for walking otherwise and admittedly more commonly known as feet she wore an older pair of trainers spruced up with personal artwork drawn on in the many hours of boredom in her bedroom.
From pelvis above, she wore a white t-shirt with the words 'CLEAN ME' embossed and raised with a copper-gold sew.
This was complimented by a rather suave looking leather jacket. However this was no ordinary leather. This was Silverpleck's famous chameleon-brown leather. Whilst on the whole it would have the familiar brown leather colour, certain areas would glitter and change colour according to the current mood of the wearer. It would blaze crimson for passion, blue for peaceful, green for envy, black when depressed and in cases of sexual arousement, transparent, which could lead to the second-long revealing of naughty bits, which was precisely the reason Alexia was wearing a white top underneath.
This fascinating type of leather was invented by a camp fashion designer, with the intention of seeing how his models felt about him. As camp as he was, he was to all extents and purposed heterosexual, and so was a small amount disappointed when he saw all his attractive female models shimmered blue, signifying being at peace with him and not threatened at all.
To his horror, he discovered that a good three fifths of his male models' torsos turned instantly transparent when they looked at him. The fashion designer scrapped the idea, and put an end to his camp ways and effeminate clothes. He was later seen as the lead singer of a Fretnan Masculine Rock band, and he sold his jackets discreetly. One of those leather jackets was fixed firmly around Alexia's torso, and was glowing a dry, sandy colour to indicate thirst.
She was sitting at the café on a stool staring suspiciously at the suspicious liquid, which had now been returned to view.
The hologram waiter appeared again, and asked if they were ready to order.
"Yeah…I'd like a glass of that cauldron stuff, it looks cool." Alexia stated.
The waiter glanced quickly at the liquid and then glanced back. She gave Alexia a worried look.
"Are you sure, mademoiselle? I don't think you would enjoy drinking it, it's not something suited for your…" she paused to express her view as politely as possible. "…Metabolism and tastes." She arrived upon, hoping to cause no offence. This merely stirred Alexia's interest further.
"Why?" she said quietly. "What's in it?"
"Well," the waitress paused. "Many things…I would not recommend it to someone of your age."
This made Alexia very angry. On Orion II, there were equal rights and privileges no matter what your age, and this discrimination made her angry.
"WHY??" she blurted out. "What's in it I can't handle?"
The waitress was slightly taken aback by this aggressive remark, but she had a reputation for good manners, so she upheld it.
"It is not what's in the drink, merely the effect it has on someone as young as you." The waitress replied.
"Right, this discrimination has gone far enough. Bring me a glass of that stuff!" She shouted.
"But Mademoiselle…"
"I don't want to fall out with you, just bring me what I asked for!" She blurted. "Oh, and we also want a packet of peanuts and two effeco, please."
The hologram disappeared, and the drinks poured themselves and flew across the counter towards them, and stopped in front of the intended owner.
"Right, I'll show that waitress. Watch me down this in one." She said cockily.
She picked up the glass, thought about the rational side of what she was about to do, ignored it, and sent the liquid down her gullet.
Unbeknownst to Alexia, she had just drank a large portion of Accoustan Youth Potion.
This drink was invented by a federation of beauty shop owners sick and tired of having to perform the administration of strange creams and oils to the middle aged in a vain hope to make them look younger. It was eventually realised that it is impossible to be made to physically look younger, so the potion was commissioned to make the drinker feel and act younger, and firmly believe that they look and are ten years younger.
This met huge success, and earned the federation millions of quid, on which they spent on having breast augmentations for each and every woman involved.
The drink was licensed to be sold from the tap at most cafés and restaurants, but had been kept relatively secret up until now.
Within a few short moments, the self confident teenage Alexia Galaxia was sent back 10 years to the 5 year old toddler known as Allie. Right slap bang in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
"Well?" Meg asked, sipping her effeco. "How is it?"
"Willy." Alexia giggled.
"What?"
"It's the slang term for the male reproductive organ." Alexia said in a babyish voice.
The only thing more troublesome then a young hyperactive toddler is a young hyperactive toddler who knows everything there is to know.
"Hi, my name's Allie." Alexia said.
Megan sighed and put her head in her hands.
"Oh god. I remember Allie. Years ago. Those were incredibly disturbing times." She said. "Why are you acting like that now?"
"Spurt Renalds." She said.
"What's gotten into you?" she asked, rather loudly.
The holographic waitress materialised in front of her.
"I can tell you that." She said. "She's just drunk Accoustan Youth Potion. It's turned her back into a toddler."
"What?" blurted Meg and Em.
"It's alright, calm down. She'll be okay in about half a week.." She said politely.
"What? Why didn't you tell us it'll send her like this?" Em argued.
"I did try. You silenced me." said the waitress defensively.
"Is there not anything we can do?" said Meg.
"Yes, lots of things. You can breathe, swim, walk, run…"She started.
"About her condition!" said Em.
"Oh, well…you can lessen the effects of the potion by talking about boys, and reading her teenage magazines. Even then, it'll be a few days."
"Oh Guitar…" said Meg. "Things just got bad. We'd better get her home. I don't know how we're going to explain this."
They thanked the waitress and apologised for Alexia's rudeness. They had to drag Alexia out of the restaurant before she started playing and sucking on the bar taps.
They stepped out of the restaurant, just as Scottle was about to step in.
"Hey guys!" He said, happy to see them. "I never thought I'd see you here. Hey gorgeous." He winked at Alexia.
"EWWW!! A boy! Yuck!" She cried.
Alexia hid behind Meg.
"What the Guitar?" Scottle remarked.
"It's a huge problem. She's just drank a potion turning her a few years younger, it's not her fault." Em explained.
"Oh… I see. Who are you exactly?" he said.
"Oh, sorry, you've not met her. Her name's Em, she's our new singer. Em, Scottle, Scottle Em. We don't have time for formal introductions; Alexia needs to get back to her parents. I'm not going to be the one who takes care of her." Meg said.
"Okay, well this is a bit weird. I'm not in the mood for all this. Sorry, you mind if I go in to drink my sorrow away?" he smiled.
"Sure thing, we'll see you tomorrow maybe."
"Yeah." He replied, and then walked off into the café.
Meg paused for a second. That didn't seem like Scottle at all, she thought. I wonder what's gotten into him.
She and Em carried Alexia off down the street.

*

Scottle sat in the café sulking with a cup of effeco, thinking to himself. How could they kick me out? I was by far the best in the band. This was just not right. They told me they wanted to take it seriously, instead of just rocking out all the time. They said a music company had offered them a contract, if they got rid of me. Corporate sell-outs! They just shouldn't do that. Now Alexia's being childish, literally. Guitar, I hate things at the moment.
"I know!" He spoke aloud to himself. "I'll go completely bonkers. Hey, look at this; I've made a good start. I'm already talking to myself."
Scottle was so angry that his mind didn't work properly. He proceeded to poor twenty sachets of sugar down his trousers.
Realising he'd just sweetened up his underwear. He came back to reality.
What am I doing? It's only a band, and I'm sure Alexia will be okay. I'm going home.


*

"She's taken a what?" said Alexia's Dad.
"A Youth drink of sorts, she's gone all toddler for a few days." explained Meg.
"Oh Guitar…I knew we shouldn't have let her out whilst we had a hangover. Ah well, best get her sent up to her room. Thanks Meg, don't know what I'd do without you." He said. "Better get yourself home too."
Her father closed the door.
Well, that was easy enough, thought Meg.
Meg had to deliver Alexia all on her own, since Em had long gone home, saying she needed a shower. Meg really didn't know what to make of this new girl, there was some things she didn't like about her. She let it slip, deciding it wasn't worth the thought, and walked off home for some well deserved sleep.