AS I SEE IT...

My son called from Iraq, my time 5:00 am

When my phone rings at 5:00 in the morning, I fear the worse.

My four children are all old enough to be considered legally adults, but knowing they are not sound asleep, tucked safely in their beds, under my roof - only adds to my fears. Aaaaaaarrrrrgggggggh - For some strange reason, I thought that when they grew up my worries my life would be easier. I have never been so wrong.

At five o'clock in the morning,long before I was due to have my first cup of coffee, I am forced to answer a ringing phone... I have to wonder if I make any sense at all.

When the phone rings at 5:00 am, I fear the absolute worse. Maybe one of my kids is hurt, sick, in jail, or injured. Why do I think these things? It's partly because my kids often play phone tricks on me.

Billy, who is 18, will often call and pretend to be someone in the sheriffs office calling to tell me they have my son in custody. Why does he think this is funny?

My daughter will call and say she is comming over. Hell could freeze over waiting for her to show up. She does not do this to be funny - she is just inconsiderate and irresponsible.

My oldest son almost never calls, so when I hear his voice on the phone I immediately think something is wrong.

Jon-Ray has been real good about remembering the time difference between here and Iraq, but this morning, for the first time, he forgot.

Luckily, I got to spend an hour talking to my son, so I am sure by the time we hung up at 6:00 AM I was awake, more social, and more coherent.

There are a lot of really bad things going on in Iraq. My son told me his platoon lost nine soldiers in less than 30 days. Most of these guys had wives and children. I had to argue with him about the value of his own life My son is talking like the lives of these other young men are more important, have more worth than his own life - because they had wives and young children. Ya'll have no idea how tragic and disturbing this is to me. No mother should have to remind her son how important his own life is.

I had to tell my son that as sad as it is for a husband and father to die in combat; it is just as tragic for an unmarried man with no children to be killed in combat - NO DAMN DIFFERENCE - one man never gets to have the life he planned with his wife and kids, and the other never gets to know what it is to even have a wife and kids.

My son is comming home in about two months. This tour of duty will be over. When I talk to Jon-Ray about the hope and possiblility of him never having to go back to Iraq - of Bush's War on Terror ending, he tells me I'm delusional. In the same breath, he tells me that American soldiers are making matters worse in Iraq - NOT BETTER.

My son tells me the nine soldiers died because of the Rules of Engagement they are required to follow. I find it difficult to know what to say to him. I don't want him to hesitate to pull the trigger knowing that any hesitation could mean the difference between his life or someone else's. He told me he almost killed a seven year old boy, who was playing in the streets with a toy gun. He was angry, and I can understand. Will someone explain to me why Iraqi parents would let their kids play in the streets with realistic looking toy guns the whole time knowing American Troops are out on patrol? And just like in Vietnam, some kids are carrying real weapons, and really shooting at American soldiers.

My son is telling me horrid things about Iraqi people. And I have no doubt Iraqis can say horrid things about American soldiers, too.

OUR American elected government officials just need to bring our soldiers home, and let the Iraqi people fight this out among themselves. Their dictator is in custody. Iraqis are free now. America can help the Iraqis that are still alive when they quit killing each other. American troops are only covering up the fact that there is already a Civil War raging in Iraq. The cost of Bush's War on Terror is too damn high - and I'm not talking about the money either.