There must be a light under the bushel!

Open Door Policy

(KB-you are in for a treat. I'm sure you would have bet against me had I told you I would write about this!)

When I was in college, my roommate KB forced an open door policy on our apartment. I'm not talking about some kind of mushy gushy metaphorical door-"We will always be available if either of us needs a friend." I'm talking about how she hated actual doors to be closed ever. She couldn't stand being closed out or losing instant access to me (her poor husband and daughter now get to deal with this quirk- she says we're the only three lucky ones). Anyhow, with me, she did not spare even the most personal room in the house, the bathroom. In fact, she seemed to have some kind of ultra sensitive radar for the click of the bathroom door. As soon as she heard it, she'd be right outside wanting to be let in. Since I typically wouldn't let her, she would patiently wait directly on the other side. She wanted in all the other rooms just so she could talk whenever she had something to say. But, the reason for this bathroom door stalking? Her most concentrated mission was to hear me fart, just one time.

Now, I know you're thinking this sounds kinda sick and perverse. Well, it is! I'm glad you agree with me! However, I assure you KB does not care. She decided that I was entirely too repressed about farting, and she wanted proof that I did it just like everyone else. This little game went on for approximately twelve years. Yeah, I thought it would have worn off long before then too, but KB's got some serious lasting power and she knows it. (Her persistence is typically how she gets her way). She used to tell me she'd leave me alone if I'd just fart for her one time. The way she said it, you'd have seriously believed I was the irrational one. She has some strange way of doing that.

So, I'd go to visit her, and lo and behold, every time she saw me headed to the bathroom, she'd ask me if I might fart. She would also ask me if I did fart after I left the bathroom. (Can you understand why she gets along so well with her teenage stepson?) She did lessen up on following me and listening, but she never totally let it go.

I have to say that when the crowning moment finally arrived, I ended up feeling sorry for her. She had anticipated that moment for so long that when it happened, it turned out to be totally anticlimactic. It happened something like this: She and I were staying in a condo on the beach last summer and we were walking to the pool. She was walking behind me on a sidewalk, I took a step, and it just slipped out. I had no warning. It totally caught me off guard. I continued walking, and for a split second, I thought about ignoring it or possibly denying it. I'm sure I could have (unconvincingly) blamed it on my rubber shoes, but how could I rob her of this moment? I turned back and looked at KB. Her expression was perplexed. She cocked her head a bit and asked, "Did you just fart?" There was no jumping up and down, no finger pointing accusation, no giggles and gloating. I felt like I'd taken away her little fanatsy. The reality apparently just couldn't live up. I answered, "Yep." Seeing her crestfallen expression, I chuckled a bit and asked her if she was upset since she wasn't ready for it. "Yes!" she yelled. "I don't know what to do!" It doesn't happen very often, but It's always a great feeling when you catch KB off balance, even if it took a fart to do it!