Romance Newsletter

February 14,2005

About this Newsletter

Oft have I heard both youth and virgin say
Birds choose their mates, and couples too, this day;
But by their flight I never can divine,
When I shall couple with my Valentine.~ Herrick, Turtle Doves and Love Birds







Letter to the Editor

Celebration of Valentine's Day dates back to the 1400's. In this issue, we are going to take a look at how this holiday is celebrated throughout various parts of the world during different eras, and some of its myths.

Cupid, God of Love and son of Venus, fell for a mortal maiden named Psyche. Cupid married her even though, Venus was jealous of her beauty, and had ordered him to punish her. Since Psyche was mortal, she was forbidden to look at Cupid, but her sister convinced her to look at him. Cupid was angered and abandoned her, taking their castle and surroundings with him. She stood alone in an open field. Psyche became desperate to find Cupid so she entered into the temple of Venus where she was given a series of difficult tasks. During her last task, she was given a box and warned not to open it. Venus sent her to the underworld to get beauty of Proserpine and place it into the box. The temptation was too strong for Psyche to not open the box, and when she did she feel into a deadly slumber. Cupid found her and put the sleep from her body into the box. The gods were touched by the love Psyche carried for Cupid, so they made her a goddess.

In Japan, on February 14th women buy chocolates for men. However, it isn't until March 14th, White Day, that the men return the favor by gifting chocolates to the women.

Many years ago, children in England would dress themselves up as adults and go from door to door singing the following song to the person who answered.
         Good morning to you, Valentine;
         Curl your locks as I do mine---
         Two before and three behind.
         Good morning to you, Valentine.

The expression 'you wear your heart on your sleeve' derives from the 1800's. Both American and British men pinned pieces of paper with the names of their sweethearts written on it. They wore it for several days.

One old myth describes how young girls were supposed to eventually marry the first eligible man she met on this day. If a girl was curious and brave enough, she could conjure up the appearance of her future spouse by going to the graveyard on St. Valentine's Eve at midnight. She would then sing a prescribed chant and run around the church twelve times.

Here are some Valentine's treats for you to enjoy...


Editor's Picks

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Kurisuten Sai  [E] #883281 A poem for my wife on Valentines Day 2004! by Grivante

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Ask and Answer

Holly Jahangiri : Interesting! So, would "non-love" be hate (and thus, truly, the "other side of the coin" to "love")? Or is it more akin to apathy or "complete absence of feeling" - to the point of not even noticing the other exists? (Why, then, would it be listed as a type of love?)


When I read this, I thought who better to answer the question than Professor Sternberg himself. I decided to email him some thoughts and here is what he stated in reference to your comments....

Professor Robert Sternberg: The definition of hate "is to have a strong dislike or ill will for; loathe; despise" or "to dislike or wish to avoid; shrink from" Although this definition serves as a starting point for an understanding of hate; it is not sufficiently detailed as an ending point.

First, hate is very closely related to the psychologically to love. Second, hate is neither the opposite of love nor the absence of love. Rather, the relationship between love and hate is structurally complex. Third, hate, like love has its origin in stories that characterize the target of emotion. Fourth, hate, like love can be characterized by a triangular structure generated by stories. Fifth, and finally, hate is a major precursor of many terrorist acts, massacres, and genocides. Underlying these claims is a view, consistent with that of humanistic psychologists such as Fromm and Maslow that love represents human maturity and fulfillment, whereas hate represents a perversion of the positive possibilities for humankind.

Passion is the most volatile component of love and seems most easily transformed into a component of hate. For example, it seems likely that the passion of love can be converted rather easily into the passion of hate, as when a lover discovers a major deception on the part of the partner. Possibly, the commitment of love can be transformed into the commitment of hate. Intimacy seems least likely to be transformed into its negation, although with right circumstances, such as betrayal, it too may be susceptible into transformation.

Stories of hate have the same properties as the stories of love. Just as different stories give rise to different triangles of love, different stories of hate give rise to different triangles of hate. Hate has story-like properties, with a beginning (often a propaganda), a middle (characterized by action), and sometimes, an ending (often induced by eliminating an object from one's life, or less often, reconciliation), and has one or more plots, subplots, and themes. The contents of the stories of hate, predictably, are quite different from the contents from the stories of love.

Hate obviously is related to other psychological constructs, but it is related to love in terms of both structure and development.

Vivian : Good newsletter, Lexi, and very informative. ~ Viv

Angie : I was featured in the romance/love newsletter but did not have it sent to me to check it out. Can I get a copy in my email?

No problem, Angie, I'll mail you a copy of the recent issue. For future reference, you can go to your site navigator at the top left of your screen. Under member tools, click on Newsletters. From here you can pick which newsletters you want to receive each month.

mark4me: I found the "different types of love" information so interesting. Great topic and keep up the good work.

Thank you for the feedback. Comments are always welcomed.

Until Next Time,

~Lexi