My Life...

What should I do?

What should I do?
I have no way of expressing my anger except through writing, but nobody understands anyway. I'm angry that Mrs. Cook is changing the melodram without the slightest hint that she knows how I feel. I knew that when Kirsty and I won the top marks that parts would have top be added to accomidate the rest of the class, but why is she CUTTING scenes? And WHY have I only got 2 lines and Kirsty 3?WE WROTE THE DAMN THING ahd she doesn't even ask how we feel about the changes! i know the obvious solution would be to talk to the teacher about it, but you don't know her. She's one of those teachers who favour the "popular" people over the "dweeby" ones and THEY wanna change it, so she goes along with it. I really don't want to be in it anymore, they've added a ton of swearing, stupid humor and things that don't make sense. Doesn't she see that we need recognition for what we did? THEN she goes and cuts all the skits out. This was Kirsty and my only chance to shine at this Spectacular thing and now we have to perform twice in a play that we supposedly wrote that everyone's made stupid? Nobody cares what I think because I'm just a nobody, but it matters to ME what people think of the play. Thatnks to Mrs. Cook and the drama class, nobody will ever know about the original play, or how good it was. Yes, it was good. It was good enough for it to get 20/20, but why isn't it good enough to be left alone? WHY? WHY? WHY? I'm dreading going to school tommorrow because we'll have to sit through 40 minutes of it being changed AGAIN, I know we will. Call it a premonition or maybe I'm so used to being let down that I expect it.

Then there's the whole Matthew/Cassey thing. I'm not even sure why it bothers me. I mean, after what Matthew said about me, he shouldn't be worth my time or my tears, but HE HAS and it's really annoying me! Why can't I get over him? Why must I feel a wave of jealousy wash over me when I see him and Cassey together? i mean, Cassey in totally in love with BJ, this guy in year 11, but she still flirts with Matthew, and it's not right! The only time I've voiced my oppinion on this topic to someone other than a computer, is today when I was upset. I told Lindsay and Shannon which might have been a mistake, but it's too late to change now. I know that I'll have to get over it, but how? I know Matthew and I Will never work things out unless I approach him, and I can't do that after everything that has happened between us. I'm not sure I even want to. i'm always the one going to him and makeing up with him, why doesn't he come to me? Because he doesn't feel the same way. HE has gotten over me. Totally, I'm sure of it. And I was sure that I'd gotten over him, so why am I worried? Why do I feel sp depressed when I see them together? Why do I keep looking at him and why do I get sad when he doesn't pay attention to me? What should I do and how should I stop feeling like this? I NEED to get over these two thingas because it's makling me act like a total bitch to everyone, but every time I start to let go, something happens to make it worse. I'm not sure I can take anymore! I fwlt like punching something today, and that has never happened to me. At least, not this violently. EVERYTHING annoyed me, even Kirsty. I couldn't think straight. It all started in Drama and worsened at Recess. It got SO MUCH WORSE at lunch when I saw them together that I went totally skitz at everyone. If I'm not careful, I'll be put in counselling or anger management class. I'M NOT AN ANGRY PERSON BY NATURE! I'm easy going, but I feel like I've been stretyched to my limit and one day soon I'm going to burst.
These two things have put me in the WORST mood for almost a week now, and I can't get over it. I just hate being at school, HATE IT! I just wanna leave forever, but I know I can't. I can't even concentrate in class anymore ,that's how bad it is. ALL I THINK ABOUT IS DRAMA AND MATTHEW/CASSEY!
Are they going to go out? Isd he going to ask her? Is she going to say yes? And if they DO go out, how will I react? How will I FEEL? And does it even matter to anyone? Will anyone even notice? Will anyone even care? Yes? No? Matthew doesn't give a flying f*ck about me and I'm going to have to face it. I'll try and keep my temper tomorrow, but it's not going to be easy. I'll write tomorrow about what happened, unless I'm too angry to talk.
*SARAH*
PS: i know i wrote in here before, but I decided to express my anger AGAIN because I'M STILL ANGRY!