Murder Scenes that make you laugh

Squirrel with an overhand throw

I'm going to write yesterday's experiences today, and maybe even some of today's...

Within the span of 10 minutes, yesterday, i saw two freaks for people that work in my office. The first one was a short, red-haired, paunchy guy. He kinda had squinty eyes too. Well anyways, im by the copier and im making copies of some bullshit for my boss and dude walks by. He stops in the hall and looks into the room, and sees a paper clip on the ground. He stood there for a minute, almost ran in (more like a fast walk or shuffle of sorts), grabbed the paper clip, put it in the paper clip tray and went out just as fast. Three times he did this, picking up a loose piece of paper the 2nd time, and a pen the 3rd. It disturbed me enough, thinking he had OCD so i went ahead and left before i dropped something and he would have to pick it up (sadly i didnt use that to my advantage, like throw a porn video on the ground and take pictures of him with it in his hands or something...who knows).

so i walk out with the copies and i pass by the elevators, and out steps the female version of Arnold Schwarzanegger. I swear, if she would have came out of the elevator on a clydesdale, wearing studded leathers, flailing a club with a nail in it and a bucket helm on her head with those fuzzy red ear flaps on it, i would have screamed at her, and cried, "Its Conana, the Feminarian!" She even made one of those faces that Arnold makes when he's about to go clobber some crazed bad guys. The one where his eyes widen and he kinda grins, close to a sexual manner. But we all know Arnold's sex scenes involve getting beaten up anyways. The grunts and screams are just natural.

Fransico, the gay Taco Cabana cook, wasnt working today so i didnt get free food. He blushed the last time i said thank you. I think I'm using him, or is his heart in the wrong place?

My guitarist for my band insists i get some Manpons. I said if she did, i would scream loudly, as though i was partially deaf and mentally retarded, "I want the pink oneths!", in HEB. Instead we got some groceries. And i continually harassed her when our items were being scanned that "we may not have enough money". i said a few times, "if we're like 30 bucks short, we're going to have to put the burrito and the certs back..." and "maybe we can take like 4 cans of coke from the case and just buy them singley." The cashier found this somewhat amusing, until we cut it like 30 cents close to not having enough.

my boss keeps getting me to try to listen to Christian Pop Rock. Apparently the Sepultura and Fear Factory Cds arent hinting to her that i dont dig her style. Or she's just finding more of a reason to attempt to convert me. I should tell her "Im a Baptist, and i see no need for improvement in my Co-dependant faith state."
Most of those kind of people never clue in on me wanting to be left alone, though. So ill just get a mid-sized crusifix and fill jesus' hands with durex condoms and ill mount a sign next to him saying, "the price of love".

thats good enough...for today. i dont do weekend schpeels and its friday so ill have the weekend to venture on a give you some amusement.

ill end with something philosophical...

"what goes through a bird's mind when it suddenly finds itself flying through a fireworks display?"