My Conversion Story Journal

April 12, 2024

Shabbat begins soon and instead of preparing - which I need to - I am looking at job postings and submitting applications again. I had to stop though before I became frustrated or depressed.

It's hard at work when my boss and others are asking if I am leaving next year or staying. All I can say is that I don't know. I know my boss doesn't want me to move, and students and coworkers don't want me to move. Not being able to give a definitive answer is difficult. I need to move for my conversion (which is not shared knowledge at work), but certain things have to happen before I can say that I am moving.

I can't move until I have a job because I can't pay rent until I have an income. I can't even get a place to rent until I have income in the area. So the very first step is getting a job and I seem to be an utter failure at securing a job in the area I need to move.

What's bothering me besides not securing a job position is that I am going to have to say if I am staying in my apartment for another year or not very soon. Once I commit to staying, it will be even more expensive to move and break the lease.

I'm trying not be down or frustrated. It has been a long week, and I want to go to bed, but I can't until I light my Shabbat candles. I baked challah for tonight, but I'm so tired that I don't even want to make dinner, make kiddush, or do anything tonight except sleep. However, I know once I light the candles and usher in the Shabbat Queen, all of that will change and I will be my normal happy self and feeling blessed.

Time to let go and let G-d.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.