GWEEP!

UUF - Sorting Hats

Sitting nervously on the stool, and facing the whole school, Harry Pooter wondered which House he would be sorted into. He had been told about this procedure on the way into the school. Being wedged eight deep in the back of an elderly Ford Fiesta tended to ensure you struck up conversations, if only to avoid the embarrassment of having bits of you, pressed against bits of them.

"The Headmaster, that's Professor Adherennium, only he's not really a Doctor at all, but he calls himself a Doctor of Phoolishness because he says that he wants to," Hermione Stranger began her short explanation., "anyway, the Headmaster reaches into a sack, and there are four hats in there, one for each of the houses. There's an old flat cap, that's for Barker House. People in Barker tend to be wizard at writing situational comedies. Then there's one of those Fez's like Matt Smith wore when he was Doctor Who. That's for Cooper House, and they are great at jokes and any comedy that involves tricks, like soap that makes your face black, that sort of thing. Then there's a Bowler Hat, and that's Palin House. They tend to walk funny and do surreal humour. Most clowns are in Palin House."

"And the last House?" Asked Harry, who felt he ought to get a word in or people might forget he was there.

"That's the best House of all." Said another voice from somewhere under the driver's seat.

"Shut up Mallory." Snapped Hermione, "I'm explaining this. Anyway," She continued without a pause, "the last hat is a leather flying helmet with goggles, that's Brown House."

"The best house."

"Shut UP! People in Brown house use sarcasm and wit and do political comedy."

"and sex comedy."

"Shut UP Mallory. " and then Hermione must have done something because Mallory squealed.

"And then he puts a hat on your head and you find out which House you're in." Hermione finished in a rush.

"Please be Palin, please be Palin." though Harry urgently. He felt a hat plop onto his head. Standing suddenly he goose-stepped and hopped across the stage to huge cheers from the assembled pupils.

"Palin House. We have a natural." Boomed Professor Adherennium.