Bibimbap 비빔밥

NaBloPoMo#10 What's left behind

To Brandi Cook on bacespook: "I removed myself from a toxic-to-me situation. I didn't keep in touch because I didn't know who I could trust ... and I still don't. 😢 But I don't hate them. That would be a waste of my time and energy. Some of them never deserved either."

What else have I left behind?

2023: Fear of water. Finally learned how to swim a bit.
2009: Faced my fear of going back to Costa Rica. Lived there again in 2012. Visited many times.
2007: Homed; the transition was very difficult.
2004: Homelessness = meant I was no longer a human being deserving respect.
2003: Fled. "Woke up" in Oklahoma.
1999: Avoiding the g-word.
1988: Severe car accident that put me in the hospital and scrambled my brains.
         a. No longer fear dying in a car.
         b. I really don't know how badly it affected my brain...
         c. ...but I think soft-ware was dumped and that helped me think/dream in Spanish.
1974: Innocence. In so many ways.
1970: Fear of leaving home. Purposely moved far enough away... but not too far.

Some events were internalized and my body has kept score. I don't sleep well at home but I'm fine on the road. My nightmares have found me in Thailand. I don't 100% trust people I know but I love strangers. I have a weird relationship with privacy. Hostels are fine but I need to be alone at times. I carve out "me" space. But... I crave connections.

I only have so much time left on this earthly plane (be it one month or 20 years). Going forward:

1. Give up. Find a place to die and never leave until I do. It's option #1 for a reason.
2. Nomad. Give up having a home-base. Go wherever. Do whatever. Die wherever. Let it be a final surprise.
3. A mix of home-base and traveling. I've been doing this. It's exhausting. I could rethink it. That's exhausting.
4. Just not care. But I've been numb (1986) and didn't like it.
5. Let someone else decide. Which, if I don't, will eventually transpire.

To Adherennium - Maybe Writing? in "Despondent, defiant, delusional"  "Blueprints are available; but, humans-for-hierarchy don't see any commercial value.

Consumerism preaches that more = better = happiness.

Patriarchy teaches pecking-order and first versus second class humans. A natural consequence is colonialism.

There are better paradigms* out there. Keep looking.

*The struggle is "paradigm shift" and a lack of a detailed "how to" as you stated."

And in "Not really a follow up as such" :

"I don't review but I do comment.

"Some of you may be familiar with Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Put simply it shows that what you focus on as important, depends upon your needs. You aren't likely to be looking at changing the world if you are struggling to find food, shelter, heating etc. In short the basic essentials to life."

I humbly disagree to a Western assessment of 'needs'. Many poor people around the world live collectively. They survive or starve as a community. Consumerism actually disrupts this as the Western paradigm demands better food, better shelter, better... everything ("whatever I'm selling" ). I mostly reject that. I'm eating rice with an egg this morning but Pannya just brought me chocolate milk from 7/11 (bless him; I really don't need it).

Poor people don't starve here; but, Thailand is very attuned to consumerism and many fall prey to the notion that being 'normal' like everyone else isn't enough. However, the good side is that service is great. People are known to actually smile! And those private extra-attention massages? Most likely supporting a family.

Perhaps poverty needs to be embraced. Monks do this all the time. Food, shelter and clothing is simplified and time and effort is focused elsewhere. But living within one's needs would put most mega-proponents of consumerism out of business.

To THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! in "Counsellor " : I've been wanting to visit but my life is topsy-turvy and I wouldn't want to be a burden.

I'm watching "I'm Tee, me too", a Thai series (2020) about a young man who's going to lose the family home after his mother has died. He decides to take in borders... Wattee takes in another Wattee (T-Rex... who doesn't want to live alone), Maitee, Maetee, Teedo and Teedet. 6 Tees in all. Yes, they're all quirky and 'difficult to live with'. Well-drawn characters. The two Wattees provide a plot twist too.

So... the House of Hufflepuff will just need 3 or more borders to make it work. And yes, this is a serious recommendation. 2 long-term borders and a room for visiting writers/friends comes to mind. I could see your father benefiting from this; but, you know best whether now is a good time.

I'm at an age where living alone is no longer the wisest choice. My health, especially mental/emotional is a key concern. Physical limits may be in my future (one never knows)."

And in "11/10/2023-'legacy'" : "Legacy... I have no children. My writings? Maybe not. My efforts to bring people together in the 80's 90's and 00's? All already forgot. The people I've taken in and helped? That's up to them."

To Wandering Thoughts in "Laws upon laws warp reason and intent"  "Examples come to mind. Observant Jews have hundreds of laws and many spend time obsessing over which ones apply where and when. Switzerland is notorious for rigid laws, as is Singapore.

Simple exhortations like "love thy God, love thyself, love others (especially your enemies)" get drowned out by pedantic nitpickers (example: US Supreme Court)."

To weave these together. We all do the best we can. To misquote Maya Angelou (again and again), "when we know better we do better". I struggle, getting lost in unimportant daily nuisances whilst ignoring the larger landscape; or, I get caught up in ephemeral politics and drama without putting it all in perspective.

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